THE PRACTICAL WAYS OF SHOWING LOVE TO YOUR IN-LAWS

I know my last post (part 1 here, part 2 here) was kind of hardcore. So let me give you a follow-up post and enumerate a few ways on how we can practically show our love to our in-laws.

1.  Allow them to love (and spoil) your kids in their ways.  Their job in NOT to rear your kids, that is yours.  So just accept how they would lovingly "do this", and "give this" to their grandkids.  In our case, in my parents house, Risen is being fed with Pandesal with sugar as palaman (spread).  I know, your eyes will roll, but we let them be because it is their house. Their house, their rules.  So what do we do when we are in our own home?, we tell Risen "that is only allowed with lola and lolo, not with mom and dad".  This is also why I discourage couple to stay with in-laws.  It is challenging to rear kids with grandparents because, in any house, there could only be one queen mother.

2.  Bring your kids to them (assuming you do not leave with them).  They love their grand kids, and to be honest, it is okay for them not to see the parents!haha  So please, please, bring your kids to them!

3.  Initiate family lunches or dinners.  My favorite part is when I tell my in-laws we would eat out without Bryan knowing it! I feel it is extra special, when I, their daugther-in-law and not their son invites them out.  I also pay for it, of course! My husband on the other hand, would sometimes buy treats for my parents (without me knowing) just because.  

4.  Get to really really know them.  How often do you chika and intentionally get to know them?  Their lives, love story, work, childhood, growing up years? When you know a person really well, you get to understand their ways and means.  Sometimes, we are too judgmental because we can't get pass our biases.  Impressions do not have to last.  Remember how you cheer fellow women who got married, finally became pregnant, gave birth, breastfed, worked or resigned for the sake of their kids?  Guess what, your mom-in-law did all this too!

5.  Accept that your in-laws will never be perfect, and so are you

6.  If you are doing it differently, do not only explain, educate them.  I remember when I gave birth to Risen.  The Pedia told us that "bigkis" (cloth wrapped around the waste to protect belly button) is no longer accepted.  This came to a shock with the two lolas for in their time, it was allowed.  I had to sit down with them and not only say "the pedia said no".  I offered the disadvantages and carefully explained each of them.  There is definitely a gap, so try to fill in and adjust to that.

7.  Remember the goal is not to be BFFs.  You do not have to be bessies, but the goal is to have a harmonious relationship with them.  That you don't cringe every time you see her nor fret when she visits you at home.  However, if you can be bessies, why not?! :)

8.  Get up and love again in the morning.    Let us not be historians.  You and your in-laws probably took off at the wrong place at the wrong time.  It is okay.  It will be okay.  Tomorrow is a new day to serve and love.

image from here







DO WE REALLY HAVE TO LOVE OUR MOTHERS-IN-LAW? Part 2

BUT IT IS DIFFICULT TO LOVE MY IN-LAWS!!!

I know that some set-ups can be a bit crazier.  However, God allows "impossible situations" to let us know that we really cannot do it on our own Hopefully, the situation you are in will make us dependent on God and on His Word.  Remember that our "feelings" toward the person may not change over night, but our perspective and attitude towards him/her may be changed.  Just continue loving even if  it does not feel right.  Sounds fake?  If the intention is making it right, then you we not being plastic.  If we are certain  in the deepest of our hearts we want to have a very peaceful and harmonious relationship with our in-laws, I am sure that God will honor that and one day, emotions will follow.  Obviously, I do not believe in cutting off people in our lives. More so, in settling to be forever civil with the family members around us.  God is pro forgiveness and reconciliation.

This world would tell us to "do whatever works for you".  Sometimes, we bring this idea even with our in-laws, family members, friends and basically in our relationships.  I would like to challenge us to take the bolder and scarier way of dealing with them, and it is by choosing to intentionally loving them in difficult ways. Do this not because of your husband or your kids but because there is this "man" who died for you and who commands you to LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR.

With God's help and the support of your spouse will be able to do it.  Consider this prayer at the end of my blog.


Dear God,

Thank you for the people you allowed me to be surrounded with.  I am sure you handpicked them from the very beginning.  I lift up to you the relationship I have with my in-laws.  I pray that you will work in my heart to forgive, be reconciled and have a harmonious relationship with them.  May it be that in the days to come, I will learn how to love and honor them.  Thank you for the help. 


 In Jesus name, Amen.

DO WE REALLY HAVE TO LOVE OUR MOTHERS-IN-LAW? Part 1

A wedding coordinator jokingly told my friend that he offers a wedding package with groom at a very low price!!   Why is it low?,  because the mother of the groom is still alive ;)

I have heard, read, and saw how some wives and husbands struggle with their in-laws.  They  either complain, or question, or rant, or tell stories on how their MILs (or father-in-laws) could be insensitive, hovering, too critical, overly involved, always needy, and the list goes on...I have also observed how these struggles often lead to silent treatments, discussions, civil or casual communication, or worse major conflicts.  Sad truth, right?

Why do these issues happen?  I am kind of sure it can be either of the following:

1. You are still staying in the home of your in-laws
2. Your husband or wife puts their parent/s first in many occasions 
3. Your relationship with your husband or wife is not good
4.  You have not really tried having a relationship with your in-laws

Now, let us go back to the title.  Do we really have to love our in-laws? Here are my answers:

1.  Yes, because our in-laws became family when we married our spouses

2.  Yes, because your in-laws are the parents of your husband or wife and the grandparents of your kids

3.  Yes, because he or she reared the person you married

4.  Just like your husband or wife, your in-laws were also hand picked by God from the very beginning

4.  Yes, because God said in Mark 12:31 ...


The second is equally important: 
‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
 No other commandment is greater than these.”












  

I AM BACK TO BLOGGING (OR AM I REALLY?)

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year!

Oh wow, I can't remember the last time I shared my thoughts through this blog.  And now, finally, after being on hiatus, I am back! (or am I really?!)

You see, I have been writing, then deleting.  Then composing my opening sentence again, then, erasing everything.  However, I really really want to go back to this craft so here I am trying tonight.  I have been looking for inspiration from Pinterest, books, latest adventures, but I can't still seem to begin. Then I realized, that when this happened before, what I did was just write.  Write, publish, then share. 

So for 2019, at least before the new year ends, let me just take the first step --- blog (again). 

As for blogger in me, day one starts tonight!

If you are like me who keeps on hitting the snooze button on something that you have been wanting to do, I pray that God will give you the wisdom on how to finally do it.  May you also be sensitive to His timing, and may He give you the strength to follow through.



photo found here




ASEAN HOSTING LINKS


Last December 10-12, for the second time, I was given the opportunity to host an ASEAN event at Sofitel.  Let me show you a few of my live videos here:





TRAINING UP RISEN

I am still amazed and nostalgic on how everything came by so fast.  Risen is now 5 and for first time parents like us, we are both "humble and proud" on how these years happened.  And of course, as a mom  (and dad Bryan), we only want the best for our child so we did everything we could.  However,  I also understand that our best may not be your version of best and vice versa.  But please let me still share the decisions we made in raising Risen that we do not regret at all.  I am not an advocate of these tips, however, I would also like to be honest.  My desire is that you will consider these "steps" that we did that really helped us, not only in parenting Risen.  These decisions we made in being intentional with Risen helped our marriage, our family, ministry and generally in life.  And if you disagree, it is okay.  You are the best mother to your kids.  I am sure, you are doing great as well!!

Training #1

Sleep Training using Baby Wise (this is a book on sleep training).  We decided and scheduled Risen's nap time since he was 2 months old.  Yep.  I remember his schedule will be like:

6:00 am wake up

6:15 feeding time

6:30 cuddle time

7:30 or 8:00 nap time

9:00 wake time  (this schedule goes on until 6pm)

The results?
1.  Risen sleeps soundly from 6pm to 6am the next day. No feeding in between.
2.  I never became a zombie/puyat mom.  I enjoyed night time with Bryan.  We were never deprived of  "quality time".  Wives, this is important ;)
3.  We do not guess why he is crying because he has a schedule.  If he is cranky, this could only mean he is not feeling well because again we are sure that he is fed and rested.

Risen when he tries to sleep on his own


Training #2
We did not rock him to sleep.  When the time says "sleeping time", we just lay him down in his crib and he sleeps on his own.  of course I still rub my hand softly on his back to sooth him and let him know I am beside him

The results?
1.  I can do more because my time and energy is not wasted putting him to sleep.
2.  Bryan can put him to sleep.
3.  The grandparents can put him to sleep.
4.  We can leave him and just tell the guardian his schedule.  No troubles.  No guessings if he is sleepy or not.
5.  We can plan our chores, errands and travels.

Training #3
1.  Risen stays in the car seat every.single.travel.  Since we have a schedule to follow (This was revised to 3 naps, to 2 then eventually to 1 nap), we drive when  he will be asleep.

The results?
1.  Travelling has been a joy.  I stay seated in the front seat, while Risen is at the back.
2.  Risen can endure traffic.  He can stay in his seat belt (with toys) for 3-4 hours.  No whining.  No fuzz.


Training #4
He eats what is on the table and only on the table.  The day we gave him solid, he only eats on his high chair and the dining table.  Not in front of the TV or a gagdet (except with his lola!!), not while playing, not in bed.  If he does not eat, I say "okay.  but this is the only food we have".  When he asks for "other food", I say "no, I do not run a restaurant".



The results?
1.  He basically eats anything (except Ampalaya and spicy food)
2. We can go to restaurants and order what we want because we are sure he will eat it too
3.  He does not go up and down the chairs when we eat out
4.  He likes S&R because of free taste haha




Training #5
No gadgets at home.  This is maybe the most difficult thing we have to deal with because IT IS SO TEMPTING TO GIVE HIM AN IPAD.  But you know what made it easier?  The schedule that we have for him.  Because he has a routine, it is very easy to plan what our day will be like. I know what time he will wake up, play and sleep.  Setting your child's body clock is so possible.  The first two weeks will be hard but imagine he sleeps through the night at 3 months old!  Risen is allowed to play with his Ipad when we are in meetings and discipleship groups only.

The results?
1.  He is not gadget dependent
2.  He plays and can play alone for 3-4 hours

Training #6
We did not give him much freedom even while crawling and learning to walk.  He was not allowed in the kitchen and on the stairs.  We made sure he recognize his space and stays on this.  We believe that giving to much choices and freedom makes kids wise in their own eyes.  Freedom may be given but only when it is age appropriate.



The results?
1.  He does not run around in malls as a toddler.  He walks with us (or happily stays in the stroller)
2.  He explored the "right spaces".  Not the stove, nor the toilet bowl or the tables.
3.  We did not have to exaggeratedly childproof our home because he know what he can touch and what he cannot play with

To end, I want parents to know that there are answers to our usual cries of "hindi ako pinatulog/aya matulog", "iyak ng iyak, hindi ko alam ang gusto", "nag tantrums", "picky eater", "ayaw mapirme sa upuan".  We can train our kids, mommies.  And sometimes in starts even before they turn one year old.

Obviously, Risen is not perfect and we fail as parents too.  However, to be honest, if there is  one thing we do not regret doing to Risen is training him on these things.  Our hugot?  This is all Bible based.  To be direct, letting our kids do what they want (even at an early age) is not Biblical.

Proverbs 22:6

Train your children onto the right path,

    and when they are older, they will not leave it.

Luke 2:52

Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people.
 God tells us that the burden is on us.  That we have to train them.  There is so much wisdom in this because training Risen made us not leave the ministry just because we have kids.  Our world also did not became too small because we have a toddler in tow.  Our marriage is happier because intimacy is present.  Our lives and days were planned even though Risen is just months old. We enjoyed being with Risen because he is not a chore to be with. This can be done, and I hope you choose it to.  But then again, I believe in you more than my suggestions, Mommy :)  Do you, do great.

Disclaimer:
Some kids have nutrition and behavioral concerns.  Consult doctors if necessary.  I am not an expert on the Science of sleep training.



WAYS TO SLAY MORNINGS AS A STAY-AT-HOME WIFE AND MOM

Risen is 5.   This also means that I have been a stay-at-home wife and mom for 5 years now.  In some days, I rock it, sometimes, I do not.  In the times I feel inadequate in juggling chores, freelancing and homeschooling my son, I go back to my game plan.  And guess what?, I think I have mastered a few things that help me go through my day with ease. These steps are practical, basic and super helpful.  To be more specific, these are the chores I cover so my mornings are easy.  Interested in slaying your mornings too?  I am sure you do!!

1.  Make sure you tidy up your sink in the evening so you wake up to a clean area in your kitchen.  A clean sink is like a sweet "good morning".  Try it!  Make your sink sparkly clean tonight and you will see the difference in will make in the morning.  To add, instead of shoving your soiled dishes in the sink, arrange the dirty plates neatly.  This trick will make dish washing less overwhelming

2.  Always have bread, eggs, spreads, cereals and any other breakfast that you can easily whip up in no time.  Why?  Because the first thing that comes to mind is, "Ano bang lulutuin ko?/Anong breakfast? (what will I cook?? What are we having for breakfast?)".  When you have the basic breakfast set, having the first meal of the day will not be as stressful as how you think it is.  

3.  Accept that home can't be clean the whole time so allot one room or space that you can allow to be messy and one room that has to be clean at all times.  In our case, the master bedroom and restrooms are the ones that has to be always the cleanest!!!  When you have at least one room that is breathable, mornings are easier.   


our war room. the only place in the house that can be messy.


4.  Stay away form your phone and social media accounts before sleeping and when you wake up.  I am sometimes guilty of browsing my phone before sleeping and upon waking up (especially when I have to check if Bryan has school).  However, I also know that it is really better when the last thing I do at night is a prayer and a good talk with my husband as I doze off :)

5.  Do you know that even those who does not believe in God tells people that meditation in the morning makes our day better? Therefore, wake up earlier than everyone and pick up your Bible (and coffee) first.  My spiritual mentor told me that the Bible should not be the first one to fall off my list.  Set that alarm and wake up when it rings.  Go  to your corner and say a prayer.

Coffee and Bible (yep, i made that Cappucino)
Mornings can be great when faced with readiness.  Again, being a stay-at-home mom can be overwhelming so choose to have at least one clean room, an empty sink, a ready brekky and a prayer. Let me know if this works for you :)

10 PRACTICAL TIPS TO BE STRESS-FREE ON YOUR WEDDING

1.  Turn off your mobile phone because you do not want to be asked regarding the time of your ceremony and address of your venue.  Nor you do not want to know about guests not coming.  Or a not so good news that might appear on your feed

all photos taken by Catilo Photography

2.   Rent a separate room for your secondary sponsors and parents.  My suggestion is to have YOUR OWN ROOM for preps.  Imagine the chaos if the 3-5 photographers and videographers,  the make-up and hair artists, Coordinators plus the secondary sponsors and others will come in and out of your area. Ang gulo nun!!  The stress is not worth it.  Just get another room for them to avoid the chaos (and drama)


3.  Choose a dependable Maid-of Honor.  Have someone who will function not only in the church but even days before. Sometimes, the reliable ones are those who have been an MOH in the past or have been already married

No Bridesmaids for me.  Just 2 MOH and Secondary Sponsors. 
I also opt not to have photos with the Secondary Sponsors during the preps.
4.  Leave everything to you Coordinator.  Since you hired someone to be in-charge on your wedding, leave the preps, ceremony, reception and after party to them

Rhed Sarmiento was my Coordinator.  No regrets.  I love her.
5.  If you have an open area for the reception, have a plan B just in case it rains

6.  Some people will not make it on your wedding, and that is just okay, okay? Now inhale, exhale

7.  Play good music in your hotel room.  Nothing like feel good songs to brighten up the hours ahead

8.  Stay in the hotel for 2 more nights.  Some weddings end at 9pm and the check out is at 12 noon the next day.  The thought of this makes you want to rush or make sure everything is ironed out because you are already leaving the next day.  If you know that you have 2 more nights in the hotel after your wedding, this triggers the brain to be more relaxed.  If this can't be done, avoid going to work two days after you said "I do"

First night was where we had wedding preps, second night in Tagaytay. 
Then we went home to Ilocos then Phuket for 7 days.


9.  Eat.  I know it will be difficult to digest and have appetite because you are nervous, happy and emotional at the same time.  So my advice is, pick a food that you love, that you can eat in small amounts and "safe", just in case it lands on your robe or worse, gown.

10.  Start with a prayer (and good coffee).  God already knows the turn out, and sometimes it is not as perfect as it would be.  Ask for His guidance and trust that the most beautiful thing is about to unfold


HOW TO WIFE

Hello!

Do you have wives and mothers you follow on IG and FB that helps you be better in this life called "Buhay May Asawa" (Married Life)?  Well, I do and today I want to share them with you.  These are the wives that are both my friends and encourager.  They have whacked wifey-hood by being experts in their fields.  Aliw na aliw ako sa mga posts nila.  And since I know them, I can also attest that the things they share are the lives they live :)

1. Viviene Bigornia of www.fulfilledwomen.com - Vivs, has been a full time mom from the very beginning.  She also blogs and facilitates training, however, the core of her being is this:  She aims to help women find and run after their God-given passion. She does group and one on one coaching.  She also asks the tough questions that will make you rethink and "redo" your life.  





2.  Gracie Miranda-Maulion of @tipidmommy - I get my all around tipid tips from Gracie. From grocery, to raising a pre-schooler, to honoring God with our finances, to going on trips to managing a business.  She is also very practical and responds fast to questions!  She actually has a talk this Saturday on how to be a matipid na Mommy.  Visit her IG for deets :)

3. Dorcas Brion of @bibongpinay - This friend is not plastic, ma-papel sya (joke po ito, sana na gets mo ;) ).  Why did I say this?  Because she is also known as a human printer.  She offers planners, booklets, menu planners, etc.  I love her because she shares her craft that is good for everyday use.  Also, if not humorous, her posts are always relevant to my life as a woman, wife and mom.

photo from Leny Ortega

If you want me to connect you to them, let me know :)  Also, if you want to sit down with us to get to know us or our brand, just comment or message me.  You may find me here in my office, also known as www.micosadorra.com. And wait, let me end this with a barkada pic!  Missing you, ladies!

(L-R) Viv, Cas, Gracie and Me :)