WHY NOT, NON-C?

The write up below are my thoughts on the issue of “being in a relationship with a non-Born Again Christian”.  Please note that I am not against people in different faith.  This is just me verbalizing the possible difficulties of the choice of inter-faith relationship..

It is difficult to see God’s perfect will when you are in love.  I HAVE BEEN THERE.  In general, feelings can make people blind.  Our hearts can destroy us. With this, the Christian church supports different ways on how to make relationships work but is final on one thing.  All churches, strongly pushes that a Christian should only be with a Christian. Apparently, with this mandate, the Christian church only tells us one thing on why Christians should not marry a Non-C.  You have probably heard it a million times from your Pastor’s teaching – yes you are right, it is the verse Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15What harmony can there be between Christ and the devild? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14-15

I am for this verse, of course.  God’s word is powerful.  It can convict and change people.  However, just like any verses, it needs illustrations and examples for the minds and hearts of the young and the old.  Reality check - people in love will find no reason to break up with their Non-C boyfriend and girlfriend. 

So, instead of giving you the big chunk of 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, let me cut it into smaller pieces.  I hope that these practical reasons will enlighten you as how it enlightened me.   Below is a list of my random thoughts when it comes to a “C – Non-C relationship”

1.     BENG IN A RELATIONSHIP LEADS TO MARRIAGE - Would you want to marry the same, exact person he or she is now?  Not thinking that he would change faith or attitude or persona.    My tita Boots always tell me, decide on what is happening now, not on what you think (or pray) will happen in the future.  If he would remain or go back to his faith once you are married, is that okay with you?

2.      LESS ISSUES ON WEDDING PLANNING -   One of the questions engaged couples have to answer is, “Where will we get married?”.  If you have the same faith, you may easily point out a church or a garden.  No need for two ceremonies or one ceremony that only favors one. Less gastos.  Plus no remarks like “Born Again kasi napangasawa, kaya dito yung kasalan” or vice versa.

3.       CHRISTIAN BA? SAN SYA NAG CHU-CHURCH? (and the other embarrassing questions to answer)- Oh my.  This is awkward.  Imagine introducing him or her to your church family, then one tita would ask:

Tita:  “Christian ba?”. 
You:  “Hindi po…”           or  “Hindi pa po..” or      “po?...”

Or

Tita:  Hello.  San ka nag chu-church? 
         Your bf or gf:  Hindi po ako nag chu-church”             
                                    or…..”Dyan po sa iba…” 
                                    or      “Hindi ko po kayo kapareho …”

This is one difficult question to face that might even cause a discussion between you and your boyfriend or girlfriend after.  Are you ready for a lot of like these?

      4.      NEXT TO GOD, IT WOULD BE YOUR WIFE/HUSBAND– My first Christmas gift to Bryan was a watch.   On the gift tag, I wrote “God’s time table never failed me.  It may have alarmed me, but it never dissatisfied me. Next to God, I trust you with my lifetime.’  In one of my quiet moments, I have realized that, I am accountable to my husband.  After God, it is my husband who I should follow and or submit to.  He is my authority on earth.  IF your bf has a different view of who God is in his life, paano na yun?

        5.       IT IS FUN TO BE IN CHURCH WITHOUT HAVING TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING – Have you ever attended a service where it turned to be a class because you need to explain what is happening? Then the feeling of nervousness comes because you fear that the sermon would “hurt” you or the person you are with.    Or if your church has praise and worship and it makes you distracted because your bf/gf is just staring blankly while everyone sings, claps and raises their hands.  These were difficult for me.  How about for you?

       6.      LESS DISCUSSION ON INTIMACY – Physically intimacy is real.  It is true to people who love and do not love each other.  Both to Christians and non-Christians.  If you are in a relationship with a Christian, I believe it is easier to say “no”.  You can just say, physical intimacy is a sin.  End of discussion.

         7.       FAMILY RELIGIOUS EVENTS – Okay. Let me take you to a bigger picture.  When you get married, it would also feel great to have a good relationship with your husband’s of wife’s family members.  To ensure quality relationship, you have to sometimes practice their traditions and practices.  Now, these habits could be faith or religion based.  IF your gf or bf agrees with his or her family traditions, you are alone in this battle.  Whether you like it or not, you have to do these practices.  Would you want that?  It does not stop here.  Think 10 years after.   Would you want your children to do these traditions as well?

        8.      RAISING KIDS – I am not yet a mother, but I am teacher so I am familiar on the issue of “Raising Kids”.  Based on my observation and studies, both the mother and father need to have an equal share and participation when it comes to guiding their kids.  However, it is real that parents would have different ways on how they were raised.  This is already complicated.  Imagine, having different perspective on doing this?  IF you are on the same faith, you can go back to the basic.  For Christians, we can go back to the Bible.  If you are marrying a Non-C, then, what would be your standard?

        9.      FEW TALKS ON TITHING, MINISTRIES, ET AL. – I am excited to do church work with Bry.  I am looking forward to sharing my burdens for the youth and Christian education.  I am thrilled to share our love stories in Youth Services.  I want to travel with him and meet up with missionaries.  I am eager to bless the church and church workers financially.    Imagine you and your husband or wife with one heart for the soul and same passion for God’s kingdom What could be more wonderful?

        10.   PRAYER TIME TOGETHER  – I love doing this with my boyfriend.  I look forward to our dates because at the end of the day, we would hold hands and thank God for our togetherness.  We would also lift up our concerns and decisions to God.  I feel blessed to pray with my bf because it is the perfect time to be vulnerable and honest to our Maker.  This appointed prayer time makes me kilig, overjoyed and blessed.  This is even more true every time he tells God how happy and in love he is with me.  It is like being proposed to over and over again!!.  Have you ever prayed aloud with your bf and gf?  If not, you are missing half of your life.

11.   GOD’S BEST – Are you sure your God’s best is the one who is not of the same faith with you?



Prayer time view at Intramuros, Manila

Meet and greet. Bryan's friends from Bohol:  Pastor Julius and family.
 (I fell in love with them after out meet up:) )

Visit at Buyagan Baptist Church.  With Pastor Juluis (Bryan's mentor) and wife.

Proposal pic after prayer time.  Camp John Hay, Baguio City.
After a play at my home church.  The same day I said, I love you too.