THE STRUGGLE OF WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MAN IS REAL

I was always thought as the girl who will never to get married.  At that time, I did know if I should take it as a compliment or a disease.  However, one thing I know, the struggle of waiting for a  possible husband is real and in many times, really really painful.

There was always the question of, "Am I not pretty? Why can't men be interested?".  When I was unattached, one of the strongest lies I had to face (especially when it was raining or almost Christmas) was my image.  I  thought that if I had the perfect hair I could flip in front of a cute guy or the perfect teeth I could flash when being introduced or the flawless skin the world would seem kinder.  That maybe, if I was like "her", someone would be paying attention.  Or maybe if I was cool enough, the guys would notice.  In many times, I tried.  In those many times, I failed.  In some nights, I cried.

Then, there was the truth that most of my batchmates were either married or engaged, and here I am without any prospects.  As in zero.  Wala.  Nada.  None. Empty.  I somewhat hated friendster, Facebook and pre-nup pictures and videos then!  It seemed that time that everyone I know was having a blissful ending except me.  They are all talking about motiffs, rings and the love of their lives and here I am wandering and wondering if someone will come.  

Third, then titas and titos asking the famous "Bakit wala ka pang boyfriend?". "Kelan ka mag-aasawa?", "O, asan na? Kelan mo papakilala".  I abhor these questions!!!! Gggggrrrr!!! I would sometimes just try to be funny with my reply or '"smile" but the truth was I want to bang each one of them on the head  tell them with disgust na, "wala!!!! wala!!!! wala!!!!"  Plus a follow-up statement that says "I feel pressured already, so please do not rub it in!"

Fourth, the age!!  I knew that time that the more I get older, my value becomes lesser.  Need I say more?

Lastly was the question of  reality.  In many situations, I asked myself "What if there is really none?"  "What if I am one of the girls who will never ever be loved?" "What if I was born to be alone and matandang dalaga?".  This idea scared me a lot of times.  It got sssooooo worried about my future.  It made me ask God in tears on why there was no man?  On why can't I be in a relationship? "On when will I say I love you too"  On why am I still single and worst was still wanting each and every day to have a man?

As much as I want to tell all the single ladies and gents that it will come, I won't because I too am not sure if it really will (told you, the struggle is real).    However, I want to let you know that I also cried buckets of tears for many nights because no one texts me goodnight.  In many Christmases, I wonder if someone would still be interested.  In many occassions I tried to accept that I would end up single all my life. That I thought that the only love story I will have are the movies I watched on cable.  Yes, I struggled too and I did not exactly know the solid steps I did to fight my fears of being single all my life.  Yes, the struggle is real.  It is painful.  It is normal.  It may be long, really long.  

 And now to us who are married.  We are not better than our classmate, or officemate, or churchmate or enemy who is still single.  Our boyfriends or husbands and relationship statuses are not trophies to be waved on the faces of those still looking for true love.  Our marriages and families do not necessarily mean "God loves us more" or that we are "blessed" to the point that the single ladies and gents are under discipline by God.  Let us stop asking the wonderful single people on when they will get married (Unless you want to be asked on when you will get an annulment).  There is NOTHING wrong with them. They are pretty.  Maybe even prettier than you. Let them travel the world, succeed in their places of interests, earn and spend money without thinking much.  Allow them to attend reunions without dates and do not question them about it.  Make them appreciate their single lives to the point that they would care less that no one is interested.  Let them be. Leave them alone.

Again, the struggle of waiting for the right man is real.  It is painful.  It is scary.  So please, do not rub it in!

image not mine