I have been pulling my hair out trying to figure out how I can grow my hosting and training business .  Since the late quarter of 2017, I have been wanting to aim higher and dream bigger. I mean, it is just right, di 'ba? Every business owner, freelancer, entrepreneur would like to be better every year.

With this in mind, I kept on asking the Lord how.  I also nagged Him to give me wisdom, ideas and more clients.  However, God has been silent.  He asked me to focus on Him instead.  I was not convinced so I asked Him more.  He still did not answer.

I stopped asking and tried my best to focus on Him and settle on for 2018.  Then on the series of events, conferences and journaling, I realized something.  In order to be bigger on the things I want to accomplish, I need to embrace who I am first.  And who am I first?  Let me share to you what I enumerated on my journal:

1.  Christian
- salt and light
- be a disciple and discipler

2.  Wife
- support Bryan in all areas
- homemaker

3.  Mother
- Homeschool Risen
- Train and journey with Risen

4. Freelancer
- Host
- blogger
- owner of Soli Deo Events Management

5.  Daughter, a sister, a friend, church volunteer
- connect to family and a community

When I realized who I am first, I felt so bad for neglecting what God intended me to be primarily.  In many occasions, I have frowned upon working on chores (if only I could answer a client's inquiry), whined at Risen for wanting to play longer (I have an email to answer), I also thought of my time go to waste with all the cooking and cleaning I have to do (I could have been blogging instead), and the many instances I folded clothes and tidied our cabinets with a heavy heart (If only I can go to a coffee shop now and work on my laptop).  God rebuked me and told me, "Hey, I did not create you to work and grow your business.  I made you mine, Bryan's and Risen's FIRST" 

This humbled me and made me ask for forgiveness because for sometime, I neglected who I am.  I obeyed His direction and agreed to embrace my life in a specific order.  But wait, the idea here is not to drop our businesses and just literally stay at home.  It is just a matter of prioritizing and seeking Him first.  For the longest time, I thought I was already doing this, little did I know that I was not.  God reminded me that He is pleased when I do chores (naiyak talaga ako dito!!!!) and at the end of the day, this is what is important.  He assured me that He will handle the rest as long as I do not put on a heavy heart serving my boys.  When this happened, I told God, "Okay Lord, I am ready to not grow my business this year, I will focus on the first 3 lang muna", but knowing God's economics, baligtad talaga!! When I decided to work on what REALLY mattered, I suddenly had ideas for my business, I had inquiries that did not get mad when I answered late, people who can help started pitching in, and lastly, I still have energy to work in spite of the working at home!   Ang galing!!

To add to this, He also reminded me of the following:

1.  God made Bryan the main provider.  My responsibility is to just support him.

2.  God did not want my business to be a product of my sweat, hard work and sleepless nights.  He wants it a result of His grace and my obedience.

3.  I am a stay-at-home-wife-and-mom first not an entrepreneur, so why should I worry if I don't grow my business?

4.  Prioritizing is the key, not balance

Misis (especially those who does NEED to work), it is okay to be who you are first...These things will be added when we honor God first (Matthew 6:33)