THE PRACTICAL WAYS OF SHOWING LOVE TO YOUR IN-LAWS

I know my last post (part 1 here, part 2 here) was kind of hardcore. So let me give you a follow-up post and enumerate a few ways on how we can practically show our love to our in-laws.

1.  Allow them to love (and spoil) your kids in their ways.  Their job in NOT to rear your kids, that is yours.  So just accept how they would lovingly "do this", and "give this" to their grandkids.  In our case, in my parents house, Risen is being fed with Pandesal with sugar as palaman (spread).  I know, your eyes will roll, but we let them be because it is their house. Their house, their rules.  So what do we do when we are in our own home?, we tell Risen "that is only allowed with lola and lolo, not with mom and dad".  This is also why I discourage couple to stay with in-laws.  It is challenging to rear kids with grandparents because, in any house, there could only be one queen mother.

2.  Bring your kids to them (assuming you do not leave with them).  They love their grand kids, and to be honest, it is okay for them not to see the parents!haha  So please, please, bring your kids to them!

3.  Initiate family lunches or dinners.  My favorite part is when I tell my in-laws we would eat out without Bryan knowing it! I feel it is extra special, when I, their daugther-in-law and not their son invites them out.  I also pay for it, of course! My husband on the other hand, would sometimes buy treats for my parents (without me knowing) just because.  

4.  Get to really really know them.  How often do you chika and intentionally get to know them?  Their lives, love story, work, childhood, growing up years? When you know a person really well, you get to understand their ways and means.  Sometimes, we are too judgmental because we can't get pass our biases.  Impressions do not have to last.  Remember how you cheer fellow women who got married, finally became pregnant, gave birth, breastfed, worked or resigned for the sake of their kids?  Guess what, your mom-in-law did all this too!

5.  Accept that your in-laws will never be perfect, and so are you

6.  If you are doing it differently, do not only explain, educate them.  I remember when I gave birth to Risen.  The Pedia told us that "bigkis" (cloth wrapped around the waste to protect belly button) is no longer accepted.  This came to a shock with the two lolas for in their time, it was allowed.  I had to sit down with them and not only say "the pedia said no".  I offered the disadvantages and carefully explained each of them.  There is definitely a gap, so try to fill in and adjust to that.

7.  Remember the goal is not to be BFFs.  You do not have to be bessies, but the goal is to have a harmonious relationship with them.  That you don't cringe every time you see her nor fret when she visits you at home.  However, if you can be bessies, why not?! :)

8.  Get up and love again in the morning.    Let us not be historians.  You and your in-laws probably took off at the wrong place at the wrong time.  It is okay.  It will be okay.  Tomorrow is a new day to serve and love.

image from here







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