Showing posts with label blessed singleness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blessed singleness. Show all posts

WAIT!! DO NOT GET MARRIED YET!

Yes, you are hearing this from someone who has been enjoying marriage for almost three years now.  I guess, this is the main reason why I am "warning" those who want to get married to consider the following below.  We have seen how a marriage could be ugly if done carelessly. It can be disappointing if you just jump on it. In many of our intentional talks about our relationship, we have seen how it really takes two  three (God plus us) to run this commitement.

1.  If you are a believer and follower of Jesus, marry someone of the same faith.  I have heard girls (and some boys) say that "okay lang, kasi mabait at responsible naman".  Let me tell you straight that in many decisions that you will make as a husband and wife, you do not need a man who is only kind and responsible.  Go, ask christian couples.  See what they have to say.  I am sure they would tell you that you need a man who will solely rely on God and His direction for your lives. I hope the hand you are holding now is the kind of hands who open up the Bible and commune with God thru prayer.  Because again, hindi pwedeng mabait lang.  Let me convince you more.  Read this

2.  Consider having your own home/apartment first.  Leave and cleave.  Allow your husband to be a leader or your wife to be a real homemaker.  After all, marriage is all about to having your own family so let it be.  It feels good to play "lutu-lutuan" and "bahay-bahayan" with the person you married.  Money may be an issue here, with that, go back to my title - "Wait!! Do Not Get Married Yet!".  To add read up on what Maricar Reyes has to say (wife to Ricahrd Poon) on this.

3.  Be sure to keep an "after wedding money".  A lot of people have told me to never borrow money (loan, use credit card, ask for money, etc) for a wedding because it is not good to start a new life with utang.  I agree with this, plus, to make sure to not spend all your savings for the wedding.  The married life is more important than the event that will only happen for a day. It would be nice if you could follow-up a wedding with spontaneous dates, staycations or even family visits.  Remember that a wedding should not make you broke.  It needs not be expensive.  You can always DIY, invite the closests, be a minimalist and creative.

second night as a married couple in Estancia Tagaytay

4.  Plan a honeymoon.  The first thing that we paid for was our plane ticket to Bangkok and Phuket.  We do not have anything yet but we already had bookings for honeymoon (which I am very glad we did).  Yes, we were that excited! I guess that for a couple who decided to wait (our first kiss was at the altar), this is something that is really cherished and looked forward too.  Our seven day honeymoon plus a long vacation was so worth the wait.  I hope you will choose to really enjoy your honeymoon too.







5. Having a baby can be "accepted" but it should not be a reason to get married.  I do not know how to put this without being too direct.  Just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.  A baby does not only need parents.  He would want a mother and a father who loves each other as well.

6.  Talk about it.  Do not just discuss it between the two of you but have someone guide you, ask you difficult questions, mentor you and show you what marriage is all about.  Yes, marriage is different from every couple, but it would not hurt to get wisdom from the seasoned ones.  It will helpful to see what could be difficult and answer it with all honesty because one way or another, you will have to deal with it in the future. 

7.  Marry for the right reasons.  Not because you want to escape from responsibilities, not because you want to be away from home, not because to have a family (because what if God won't give you kids?), not because you are already old, not because of financial freedon, not because of convenience.  Get married because you have chosen to love and will choose to love the same person for a lifetime and lastly and most importantly, because it is clear that this is what God wants you to be and do.


THE STRUGGLE OF WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MAN IS REAL

I was always thought as the girl who will never to get married.  At that time, I did know if I should take it as a compliment or a disease.  However, one thing I know, the struggle of waiting for a  possible husband is real and in many times, really really painful.

There was always the question of, "Am I not pretty? Why can't men be interested?".  When I was unattached, one of the strongest lies I had to face (especially when it was raining or almost Christmas) was my image.  I  thought that if I had the perfect hair I could flip in front of a cute guy or the perfect teeth I could flash when being introduced or the flawless skin the world would seem kinder.  That maybe, if I was like "her", someone would be paying attention.  Or maybe if I was cool enough, the guys would notice.  In many times, I tried.  In those many times, I failed.  In some nights, I cried.

Then, there was the truth that most of my batchmates were either married or engaged, and here I am without any prospects.  As in zero.  Wala.  Nada.  None. Empty.  I somewhat hated friendster, Facebook and pre-nup pictures and videos then!  It seemed that time that everyone I know was having a blissful ending except me.  They are all talking about motiffs, rings and the love of their lives and here I am wandering and wondering if someone will come.  

Third, then titas and titos asking the famous "Bakit wala ka pang boyfriend?". "Kelan ka mag-aasawa?", "O, asan na? Kelan mo papakilala".  I abhor these questions!!!! Gggggrrrr!!! I would sometimes just try to be funny with my reply or '"smile" but the truth was I want to bang each one of them on the head  tell them with disgust na, "wala!!!! wala!!!! wala!!!!"  Plus a follow-up statement that says "I feel pressured already, so please do not rub it in!"

Fourth, the age!!  I knew that time that the more I get older, my value becomes lesser.  Need I say more?

Lastly was the question of  reality.  In many situations, I asked myself "What if there is really none?"  "What if I am one of the girls who will never ever be loved?" "What if I was born to be alone and matandang dalaga?".  This idea scared me a lot of times.  It got sssooooo worried about my future.  It made me ask God in tears on why there was no man?  On why can't I be in a relationship? "On when will I say I love you too"  On why am I still single and worst was still wanting each and every day to have a man?

As much as I want to tell all the single ladies and gents that it will come, I won't because I too am not sure if it really will (told you, the struggle is real).    However, I want to let you know that I also cried buckets of tears for many nights because no one texts me goodnight.  In many Christmases, I wonder if someone would still be interested.  In many occassions I tried to accept that I would end up single all my life. That I thought that the only love story I will have are the movies I watched on cable.  Yes, I struggled too and I did not exactly know the solid steps I did to fight my fears of being single all my life.  Yes, the struggle is real.  It is painful.  It is normal.  It may be long, really long.  

 And now to us who are married.  We are not better than our classmate, or officemate, or churchmate or enemy who is still single.  Our boyfriends or husbands and relationship statuses are not trophies to be waved on the faces of those still looking for true love.  Our marriages and families do not necessarily mean "God loves us more" or that we are "blessed" to the point that the single ladies and gents are under discipline by God.  Let us stop asking the wonderful single people on when they will get married (Unless you want to be asked on when you will get an annulment).  There is NOTHING wrong with them. They are pretty.  Maybe even prettier than you. Let them travel the world, succeed in their places of interests, earn and spend money without thinking much.  Allow them to attend reunions without dates and do not question them about it.  Make them appreciate their single lives to the point that they would care less that no one is interested.  Let them be. Leave them alone.

Again, the struggle of waiting for the right man is real.  It is painful.  It is scary.  So please, do not rub it in!

image not mine




TO YOU WHO HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A GUEST OF SOMEONE GETTING MARRIED

After dropping a few people off after a wedding,  I found myself alone inside the car (bry had to go somewhere). This reminded me of the times I went home sad and alone after attending someone's marriage celebration. For many "alone drives" plus the senti music on the stereo, I have always asked God "when?", "Will I ever get married?" "Will my someone come?"

Obviously, God did not answer my question. He did not even stop my tears. 

So to you who have been always just a guest to that someone getting married, hang in there! It is normal to ask God "when" and it is also normal for God to br silent about it. Just hang in there, okay? 

From Being MARRIED To Becoming IT'S COMPLICATED

from love to bleh
from kisses to turned backs
from holding hands to walking apart from each other
from  long sweet talks to silence
from being married to becoming it's complicated






What happened, love birds?


I do not have specific answers but I have a list of the possible things that might be harming your marriage.  These are mostly principles from the Bible and  I chose this to be on top of the list because I believe that God gave very specific instructions for happy and ideal relationships.  I am not an expert myself so I always make sure to go back to His words. Isn't it great that God made sure we have guidelines to help us with our lives?  Yes, even with our marriage!  If we choose to obey them, we will surely have a better life. So if you are a believer of God and His Word, this might be helpful for you and your marriage.

1.  You still live with your parents or in-laws
As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." Ephesians 5:31

2.  Husbands, you do not show your love to your wife and wives, you do not show respect to your husband
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"Ephesians 5:23-25

3.  You need to forgive
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

4.  You have the wrong set of priorities. 
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.- Matthew 6:33
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22

5.  Your roles have changed.  The wives have become the leader and the husbands the follower.
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" - Ephesians 5:23-25

let me also add a thing or two from my observation...

6.  You still have your kid/s in the middle of your bed

7.  There is too  much use of gadget while inside the car, before going to sleep, inside the restaurant, or even during "family time"

8.  You have a long distance relationship

9.  Work or sleep has taken over Sabbath day

As I mentioned earlier, I am not an expert on marriage.  However, we are blessed to have a very supportive D-group and church who counsels and teaches us how to protect our marriages.  In our D-group at CCF Muntinlupa, I and Bryan sit down with other couples where we discuss our issues, blessings and questions on motherhood, fatherhood, work, relationships, or generally, with our married life.  Then in our church, we have topics where we are pointed out to the giver of all things - Jesus!!We also have retreats and other events solely for married couples.  It is good to be surrounded by people who values their marriages. I hope that you will choose to also be with other couples who sees marriage as sacred, pure and God given.

Marriage was created by God and He wants it to always be a "top of the world experience".  It is not His will to be sour and empty.  If you or your marriage needs help and you have questions with the list that I wrote, you can PM me.  Maybe we can discover more what the Bible says on this over a cup of cofee.  My treat, promise!


WHY IS HE WORTH THE KEEP

Your parents love him 
Mothers (more or less parents) have this gut feeling about your man.  
Ask them about him.  They may be 90% right.

He has a stable job and a bank account 
A man who values the future does not only dream about it but prepares for it.  He is not dependent on his parents or siblings.  He has a regular job and knows how to work his way up.  And yes, a wise man saves up.  

He does not make promises  
It is either he is actively working on his promises or he has done them already

You share the same faith and values
Married couple would have disagreements and this is normal.  However, you can lessen the pressure if you have the same faith and values.  Not convinced? Check this out!

He does not have personal issues
It is difficult to be with a man who has baggages on his shoulders.  His issues may got to do with his self-esteem, unresolved conflicts, debts, personhood, sexuality, etc.


He does not cringe when you drop the words wedding and marriage
Personally, I would like to be with a man who is not only willing to marry me but is also ready to get hitched NOW.  I don't know with you. 
Come to think of it, if not marriage, what will be the goal of your relationship?

He does not pressure or lead you to be physically intimate
Yes, men who are not after your thighs and breasts are still present!!
 Let me share a little secret. Me and my husband had our first kiss on our wedding day.  We have been together as an engaged couple for 2 and a half years and the farthest we have been is a peck on the cheek! Yes, it can still happen!!!




You see and know that he will be a good father
Remember that your future husband will not only be your spouse
 but also the future father of your children.  Think, think, think!

He is a follower of God
Trust me, you would want and need a man who follows God.  Let me take this to another level by challenging you to seek a man who is not only a christian (yes, some Christians do not follow God's commandments) but also seeks and obeys the Lord.  Your husband will be the leader of your home and family and it is just wise to have someone whose leader is the Lord.