Showing posts with label break up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label break up. Show all posts

8 THINGS YOU SAY AFTER A BREAK-UP THAT ARE NOT TRUE

1.   I will never find someone like him/her - Well this is actually partly true because each person is unique so most probably you will never meet someone the same.  However, on the context of "she is the best and I will never find another best", this is NOT true at all.  Unfair naman yan sa mga single who are making sure they are at their best when the right love comes.  Soooo, no, the girl or boy that you just break-up with is NOT the best (for you).
2.  I will never love someone the same way as I did - To begin, we are not suppose to measure love because love is as it is.  Let me remind you that effort is not the same as loving.  Maybe, you gave it all your best because you are so desperate to save the relationship and NOT because you love the person.  Being in a relationship is not suppose to be saving what you have.  It should just be plain loving. So yes, maybe you will never "love someone the way you did".  You know why? because the right kind of love is not heavy.  It is effortless, not stressful, definitely not tiring. 

3.  I will never get married - You just broke up with one boy/girl, not to all the men/women in the world.  Wag mo idamay yung iba;)

4.  I will never move-on - Yes, you will not be better tomorrow or maybe in the coming weeks.  However, after a year, you will be able to.  Do not rush happiness.  Let loneliness come and stay.  Wallow on it if you have to. I am sure, after some time, this place and that place won't remind you of him or her na.  You will be able to move on.  Time will help.

5.  He/She did not love me at all - If we are talking about a serious and long term relationship, I believe he/she loved you.  No one will stay with a crazy person like you unless they are drawn to you.   And come on, you were together for some time because you knew he loved you.  So yes, he/she loved you!! (Actually, this is not important na kasi break na nga kayo, diba? ;))

6.  He will always be special - Nah.  I don't think so.  Yes, the memories will be there (unless Amnesia gets in the way), but him or her remaining special? No.  His face will fade.  You might even soon forget special dates.  Even the moments you had together.  So, no.  He will not remain special.  I really don't think so.

7.  I wish we'd remain friends -  Why would you want to be friends with your ex?  Wala ka na bang ibang friends? Seriously, the worse thing a boy or girl can do is to be "instant friends" after a break-up.  Of course it can happen naman, but not right away.  And again, why would you want to be friends? Be careful of what you wish for!

8.  I do not want to love again - A break-up, an abusive relationship, or a heartbreak can really be traumatic.  I will accept that you don't want to love at this time, however, only this time, okay?  Promise me that once you have settled, you will love again.  Because, love, when done rightly and with the right man/woman is something that is worth being brave for.  And when the moment comes that God hands you the love story He has for you, embrace it -  seize it.  Because this time (and when you obey God's will), there will be no more break-ups!


WHY IS HE WORTH THE KEEP

Your parents love him 
Mothers (more or less parents) have this gut feeling about your man.  
Ask them about him.  They may be 90% right.

He has a stable job and a bank account 
A man who values the future does not only dream about it but prepares for it.  He is not dependent on his parents or siblings.  He has a regular job and knows how to work his way up.  And yes, a wise man saves up.  

He does not make promises  
It is either he is actively working on his promises or he has done them already

You share the same faith and values
Married couple would have disagreements and this is normal.  However, you can lessen the pressure if you have the same faith and values.  Not convinced? Check this out!

He does not have personal issues
It is difficult to be with a man who has baggages on his shoulders.  His issues may got to do with his self-esteem, unresolved conflicts, debts, personhood, sexuality, etc.


He does not cringe when you drop the words wedding and marriage
Personally, I would like to be with a man who is not only willing to marry me but is also ready to get hitched NOW.  I don't know with you. 
Come to think of it, if not marriage, what will be the goal of your relationship?

He does not pressure or lead you to be physically intimate
Yes, men who are not after your thighs and breasts are still present!!
 Let me share a little secret. Me and my husband had our first kiss on our wedding day.  We have been together as an engaged couple for 2 and a half years and the farthest we have been is a peck on the cheek! Yes, it can still happen!!!




You see and know that he will be a good father
Remember that your future husband will not only be your spouse
 but also the future father of your children.  Think, think, think!

He is a follower of God
Trust me, you would want and need a man who follows God.  Let me take this to another level by challenging you to seek a man who is not only a christian (yes, some Christians do not follow God's commandments) but also seeks and obeys the Lord.  Your husband will be the leader of your home and family and it is just wise to have someone whose leader is the Lord.




13 SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE TO CALL IT QUITS (boyfriend/girlfriend edition)

1.  You started with a lie.  Either you lied to the people around you or to each other.

2.  You do not have the intention of marrying the person you are with.  

3.  The people around you are all questioning your togetherness.  Your family, your closest friends, and sometimes, even yourself.

4.  You hide what you have.  

5.  Your relationship is a never ending struggle of "we need to fix this".

6.  When people ask how your relationship is, you start crying.

7.  Your mother tells you she or he is not right for you.

8.  When you weigh if you should break-up with him or her.  You should not be thinking of this in the first place.

9.  You do not glow.  Ang pangit mo na.

10.  You stopped talking about the good times with him or her.  You always talk about the problems you have instead.

11.  In the midst of your quarrel, he or she also stops being kind.

12.  When the only reason you have is because you love him.  Love my dear is NOT enough.

13.  When you know you just have to.  Trust me, alam mo yan!














Stages of Grief - In the Context of Moving-On From a Romantic Relationship

Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship that ended sourly? If yes, you have also probably gone to the phase of getting over the person you were with.  Regardless of age, personality, educational attainment, and religious belief, people mourn when something tragic happens to them.  Individuals may just have different ways and timetable on how they will be back to their happy selves, but, there is a common denominator on the stages they will go through. Persons in this situation may not notice this universal factor but when taken closely, there is a general pattern of emotions with the people moving on.

According to psychologists, grief is the feeling someone experiences when he loses someone or something important to him.  It is also considered as an overwhelming emotion of a person which causes him deep sorrow.  With this definition, we can conclude that individuals whose relationships stopped in a bad note are very much prone to grief.

Among the stages of grief, the first phase is denial.  This is when the individual feels that the bond between him and his loved one is not yet over.  In this phase, it is possible that one or both parties may still communicate and talk about their separation over and over.  If it is the man who broke up with the woman, she is prone to asking the man several times on why he decided to end what they have.  If no communication is made at this stage, the couple may feel that nothing awful happened between them.  They may not cry nor react negatively in their state.  Another potential reaction is to feel okay and maybe to sense that they have already moved-on.

The second stage is anger.  One famous cause of broken relationships is betrayal. If this is the root of the problem, this is the time when the victim will feel mad to his partner.  If the people involved were just casualties of situations and their personality differences, they are expected to hate themselves.  They could think that it was their fault why their love ended and that they did not do anything good in their situation.  Some may go extreme by hating men or women and even the world they are in.  They may think that life is unfair.

After this stage, bargaining would come in. This is considered as the weakest part of heartache.  One may seek rescue from friends, legal affairs, or even from the people they were with.  Since the persons involved are extra vulnerable at this phase, they would have a lot of questions on why it occurred and why it happened to them.  There are also a lot of “ifs” in this leg, such as, “If only I was prettier..”, “If only I had a stable work and was able to provide…”  “If only his mother liked me…”, etc. 

The second to the last stage is depression.  This is when sadness and regret comes in.  Women possibly will choose not to go out and socialize and men may turn to alcohol.  Aside from this, people involved may perhaps feel tired and sickly.  They could once again cry and get stressed over little things.  However, since this is a familiar feeling and people know that the opposite of sadness is happiness, those who are in this stage easily find ways on how they can be joyful again.

The last stage of grief is acceptance.  Do not get fooled because acceptance may not mean cheerfulness.  This may simply mean that the persons involved are contented and at peace with their situation.  They no longer feel a strong negative emotion.  This last stage is also considered as the time when calmness is welcomed and withdrawal from habits brought about by depression is started.

In this world, it is typical for people to fall in love, be committed and get married.  At the same time, it is also normal for them to get hurt, fall out of love, and leave the person they were with.  Among all the natural occurrences in relationships, moving on is a part of it.  Some may be ready to have relationships again in 2 weeks, some will wait it out more, and maybe some would even just accept what happened and never commit themselves in relationships again.  In the midst of all this, it is good to know that no matter how negative we feel about ourselves, our lost love and our personal space – every bit of it is normal.  It is expected and perhaps it is even a must.
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source2 

http://www.psychologytoday.com