Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts


We attended 2 conferences at the CCF Center two weeks back (one is for church leaders and the others for church goers) and funny on how my biggest take home was about marriage and family.  I guess it shows that these topics make me giddy and relationships are important to the speakers of the conferences as well.

Anyhow, let me discuss my workshop highlights here:

1.  Do not confirm any invitation, event, or appointment without asking him
It is very easy to say "yes" to invites especially if we know we are available.  However, confirming skeds may also mean overlooking our husbands calendar and authority.  The better reply is "Let me check with my husband first".  This response will also make the people around you and your husband think highly of him.  To the words of one of the married women I admire, "Wives schedule should revolve around their husbands" - Deonna Tan-Chi

2.  Answer his texts and calls
Josh McDowell would take calls from his husband and children anytime.  Be it stopping mid sentence while speaking in a thousand audience or delaying a very important meeting.  He told the IDC participants that his family is the most important people in his life so it is always a "yes" even on phone calls. Now, we know what to do ;)

3.  Drop everything when he arrives home
Pastor Peter Tan-Chi would honk and shout at the door "I am home", then his wife and kids would drop whatever they are doing and run to him.  This was their "tradition" years back and it not only showed but modeled respect to the man of the house.  I recognize that it is really a sweet gesture to welcome Bryan by the door.  And of course, I also make sure I am done bathing, there's food and the house is pleasant to come home too.

4.  Do not correct him in front of others
Our husbands are not perfect, but let us not correct them in front of others.  If there is a need to do this, let us say, the information is important, say it nicely.  Do not grill, blame, point finger, put to shame or say "ewan ko dyan", "bahala na sya", "basta ako...", and other phrases that show disrespect.  This is not only bad for his image but also for you.  Can you imagine a child saying this to his parent?  No right?  Then no wife should also tell this to her husband.

5.  Yield to his decision
There are times I do not agree with Bryan but I prayerfully support and submit.  If his decisions fails, I encourage him.  Our husbands lead and IF they will be wrong, hopefully they will learn from this.  Let us not take this away from our husbands.  Discuss your side and pray that he will make the right decisions for your family.  What I learned recently was when I do not agree, I do not nag him but I go to God in prayer.  I tell Him that to speak to Bryan to "change his mind".  And just in case Bryan doesn't, I am in full confidence that God wants it that way.  And when Bryan suddenly changes his mind, I do not "Sabi sa yo eh", instead, it encourages me to pray more for my husband because I know God talks to him and my hubby listens.  When we allow our husbands to decide and be accountable, they are able to see their strength and weaknesses too.  In this way, they become better decision makers.  Let them be, Misis.  Let them lead.

A part of our role is to show respect to our husbands.  God commanded us to do this because He knows that this will make our marriage work.  Regardless of our feelings and longing for our husband's affection, we are to show respect.  I pray that you will decide to be on your husband's side always.


1.  Do I always give a "yes" when my husband asks for sex?

2.  Do I know my husband's love language?  Do I work on this?

3. Am I (Are we) following God's blueprint for marriage?

4.  Does it show in my routine that my husband is my priority?
     (Or is it my work or kids?)

6.  Am I surrounded by people who love their marriage 
    and their husbands?


1.  Evaluate yourself - No blaming, no judging, just see on how you are as a wife/husband.   I suggest you do this when you are not emotional.  Write down the things that you are good at and bad at.  It would help if you could also consider the things that your husband/wife complains about you.  You do not have to show the list to him/her.  Just take time to be honest and write down the attitude or character you have been displaying lately. Done?  Let us jump to number 2 because this is connected :)

2.  Continue or start being a good wife or a husband - I am sure you have "excuses" for the "negative things" you have been doing lately.  Maybe you thought of "sya din naman" (my spouse does the same), or you are tired, or you have been patient for the longest time...The thing is you can't control your partner but you have power over yours.  My suggestion? since your marriage is falling apart, be the better person.  He/she does not kiss when he says "bye"?  Then do it.  He/she does has no time for you?  Then initiate time together.  Avoid minding his/her department.  Just mind yours - your being a wife or husband.  Now, go back to your list (number 1) and work on the things you are "bad at".  Do this without any expectations that your wife/husband will improve as well.  Just do your part.

3.  Talk to couples who mirror a lovely marriage - The good news is, we still have couples whose marriages are warm, inspiring and a joy to look at to.  You do not have to look far.  It could be your friend, cousin, or even the Ninong and Ninang you got when you married.  The thing is, surround yourself with couples who will encourage you to pursue your spouse and your marriage.  When  you have troubles, do not go to a group whose marriage is breaking apart as well.

4.  Go back to the basics of love, marriage and commitment  - Review the foundation of marriage:  leave and cleave, love and respect...These are vital in marriages that couples often forget.  Also, I would suggest that you list down your priorities and see if you are actually doing them.  Also, do not tag "family" as one priority, it should be 1. husband 2. child/children (in the order that you want).  They should be branded separately so we can really see where we are. 

5.  Realize that you need Jesus - You only do not need him on your wedding day.  You need Him daily on your marriage.  You only do not need the pre-marital counselling that was required by your church, parish, priest or pastor.  You need it (more) after you get married.  

If you have done number 5, and you are sure that you accepted Jesus in your life and in your marriage but your marriage is still sinking, let me add 5 more numbers :)

1. Join a discipleship group for couples
2. Check your priorities (again). Drop what has to be dropped.
3. Have devotions with your husband/wife at least once a week
4. Evaluate your physical situation at home (do you have privacy for sex?, is your house a good sight to come home to?, do you have yummy food?, is your child ruling your house?, etc)
5. Treat once a week date nights like a trip to the Emergency room

This suggestions does not cover women/men who suffer physical, verbal or sexual abuse from their spouses.


Since I have been telling you about the scheduled rest we did for 3 days and 2 nights, let me share this to you in detail so you can have an idea on your next sabbatical trip :)

Me and Bryan have been looking for a place that is (1) within our budget (2) a short drive from Carmona (3)  a place that is not crowded (4) and has amenities that Risen can enjoy too.  We have been googling up until we stumbled upon Club Balai Isabel and the 4 points we have been eyeing for came in perfectly.  (1) It was on 50% off at Agoda (we paid 6700 for 2 nights)  (2) It was just like an hour away from Carmona (Talisay, Batangas - Exit at Tanauan via Star Toll) (3)  They are still free on a weekday - weekdays mean less people (4)  They have 3 pools and large spaces for our 4 year old to explore.

After 4 checks, we booked and drove to Club Balai Isabel :)

We were there early so we had to wait by the pool before we can check-in.  It was totally cool because we were allowed to use the pool and the other amenities.  Before 2pm we were given a room (we booked an Executive room).  They were also gracious for the request of transfer (from 3rd to 2nd floor) that we made.

The sweetness of doing nothing (la dolce far niente) finally began after we dropped our bags in the cabinets.  It was literally eat, swim, bed, then repeat for us.  I think it was the "less thinking and no planning" for three days that we enjoyed the most.  Oh wait, we used naman pala our brains when we ordered food! haha  I am posting the menu and prices here because I know these details are valuable for a Mrs. like us.

Seriously now, what I love about this 3 days 2 nights near get away was able to catch up with myself.  You see, when a wife or mom gets tired, the tendency is to imagine what life was like before.  Now, no regrets here, but I just have to admit that I miss being spontaneous, staying out of the city, practicing my stroke (water baby!!!), reading books while having Coke, staying under the sun, and not thinking of anything  "adult like" was sooooo relaxing!!! I was not #adulting for 3 days! Woohoooo.  Sounds selfish? Maybe. But it is so true.  I so miss myself and that 3 day 2 night stay was a very good way to get back to the groove of being a full time wife and mom.  I was really recharged.  It was like I can peel 10 kilos of Chayote with a smile!  haha

Now, would I recommend Club Balai Isabel on your next trip? YES! but only of you can only get for half the price.  Booking it for 6,700 a night is quite pricey of you ask me.  I have little issues with cleanliness, lack of towels in the pool area, no toothbrush and toothpaste (has to be requested), and late opening of pool areas (8 am) ;)

Be sure to check Agoda before booking!  And of course, be sure to rest and enjoy the sweetness of not doing anything!


And oh, I made a video to sum up our trip!  This is my first time so please be appreciative haha


"What's hard, she said, is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you  really care about" - Denise (Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist)

Last weekend, me and my Bryan talked about time and stress management to a group of young Principals in Makati.  In our workshop, one of the things we pointed out is to learn what to drop on a to-do-list or on a schedule.  Knowing and letting matters go is important to (1) Give way to the things that are more important (2)  To rest (3)  To go back to your priorities (4) To honor God with our time and body.  

As I was reading on this topic prior to teaching, I realized that this can also be applied in my marriage. To begin, let me mention that "dropping matters" is not negative.  A person should never think that saying "no" is bad.  In fact, when we say decline, this may give way to new or better things.  

So, what do exactly we give up on marriages?

1.  Our pride - On our first year of marriage, I never said the word "sorry" to Bryan.  It was always him first, and even if he admitted first, I would still never apologize.  He allowed that to happen because I was pregnant and was too emotional in our arguments.  However, when I gave gave birth and overcame post-partum, I do not have a choice anymore ;)  Saying the very first "I am sorry" was both difficult and liberating.  If felt so challenging to swallow my pride yet I felt so humbled that I finally had courage to admit my fault. 

2.  Our decisions - This is a struggle up until now.  I like making decisions on my own and asking Bryan about the biggest and tiniest choices make me cringe in some occasions.  For example, yesterday, we were in the department store and I have been eyeing on frames to use for our home.  I had to ask his permissions because he does not like drilling nor using adhesives on our walls.  I ended up looking for the perfect frames BUT not buying it!  Why? Because he told me we still fave unused frames so I must use those first and finalize on where to put them before buying new ones.  I so wanted to stomp my feet as we left the area but in my heart, I knew I needed to submit.  When we got home, I realized I never really needed those sale items.  We really have enough frames I can use.  Good thing I listened!

3.  Ourselves - Yes.  This.  His schedule first.  His want first.  His welfare first.  His part first.  His joy first.  Our husbands first.  Now, maybe you are saying, this is too much...My answer?  Yes and no.  Yes it is hard when we do it on our own strength.  However, God's mathematics is different from ours.  Meaning, when we do all this with Jesus, He will give us the joy, drive and passion.  Trust him.  He sustains! :)

If you are married or planning to get married, there will be things that you would give up for a healthier relationship. It is just like saving up to get a new phone.  Spending time at the gym to lose weight.  Giving away clothes to have space for new ones.  It is okay to let pride, our decisions and ourselves go.  Trust God that He will honor your heart when you make your husband and relationship first on the list.  Remember, just drop it.


Last September 8, 2017, I had the privilege to listen to the women, wives and mothers who are in the in the ministry of CCF (wives of Pastors).  It was a super refreshing time to hear their stories, learnings and tips on how they become better women for their husbands and children with the grace of God. I was just so excited to hear their voices love coz I would just often see them in CCF gatherings and conferences.  I must admit I often wondered how they are like ;) 

 Seriously now, since I also often find myself conscious and "lost" on how I can improve as Bryan's partner inside the church, I was really excited to listen..  As they talked, I sat on the edge of my seat trying to absorb and scribble the thoughts that made an impact in my heart.  

Praise God, I was able to write a few!  These are statements that were said by the six wives.  Just in case, you find one or two thoughts broad, please bear with me because these were written down in between their stories.  So sorry, I just can't give all the context behind each tip. 

Excited too?  Here is goes!

1.  Keep the humor
2.  Live to give not to get
3. Be your husband's number 1 fan
4. Make your husband happy
5. Make your husband a satisfied man at home and in bed
6.  Be a visual delight to your husband (this is my favorite)
7.  Say to yourself ..."I am my husband's only option"
8.  God is my priority schedule
9.  All my schedule depends on my husband's schedule
10.  Constraints are God's direction (another fave!!)
11.  After God, it is your husband that will tell you what to do (tinamaan naman ako ng bongga dito!!!)
12.  You can't change your husband
13.  Press on to the summit 

You would know my top three choices by now.  How about you?  What is your favorite? :)


1.  When you come across his birthday or your anniversary (or even his name) and all you can say is "this date seems familiar". Yes, this will happen.  There will come to a point that you won't even remember.  It would probable take months, or even years, but you will eventually come there.  I remember reading the papers one time and I came across a surname.  Funny on how I had to pause to recall whose last name was it.  It is good to forget.  

2.  When there is no longing, no hate, no smiles, no guilt, no anything.  In short, zero.  Do you know that the opposite of love is  apathy or indifference?  Meaning, you have no feeling toward the person or the relationship.  You are neither "happy for him", disgusted nor offended.   

3.  When places, barkada, events, celebrations do not remind you of him or her.  This is one clear sign too.  Remember the time when you said all of your friends are his buddies too?  And his barkada is yours too?  You will be surprised on how you can hang out with your common friends without the idea that they are also your ex's crowd.

4.  When people ask you about him or her, and you answer without malice, grudge or smile.  The people in your environment will surely tease or ask with the intentions of annoying you.  I know how you have avoided talking about him because you know you will affected.  The day will come when people ask and you have 2 reactions:  (1) you answer honestly that you don't know or that he is working or abroad or (2) you will be surprised that you are not offended or bothered at all.

5.  When you have forgotten you are actually "moving on".  This long and dark phase of moving on shall pass.  One day you will wake up and realize that you are no longer moving on because you have already moved on!


Date nights are essential to any form of relationships. This can't be any true-er for married couples like us. However, the difficulty of spending time together is obvious when you live outside the Metro and you have a toddler in tow.

That is why, we were so thankful when we finally had the chance to visit Niña's Kitchen. We always pass by this house turned restaurant when we go home to Carmona. We were always intrigued of the cars parked outside, and the online reviews by no other than, Ms. Universe, Pia :)

So last week, when Risen spent the night in my parent's house, we finally made it inside! I was surprise to see that the food was affordable! To be honest, our pockets were ready to pay more because the ambiance was fine dining. To our amazement, it was actually not pricey!

We asked what was their specialty and did not think twice to order them. I got the Salmon while Bry got the spareribs Caldereta. Our food came after 20 minutes. 

Their food was yummers! It was filling, authentic and flavorful! We actually ended up tasting and finishing each other's food. Aside from the taste, what we really love was the ambiance. It was full yet it was quiet and cozy. Plus, the waiters were friendly!

Would we go back?  Yes!  I am looking forward to having dessert and ordering coffee :)

My final say on Niña's Kitchen?
The food is common but it was cooked superbly. Second, considering the cost, ambiance and location (if you live in Biñan, Carmona or nearby areas), this for me is the best date place! It is an easy escape to the "usual dining". If you want to be "transported to a hotel" and not worry about the cost, then Niña's Kitchen is the restaurant to be in!! 

Curious of the food and cost? Take a look at the photos I took!












Are you also getting married soon? Congratulations!! If not naman, I guess you can still learn from this blog, so please continue reading :)

Aside from my clients (I host weddings), I know other couples who are getting married this year. And guess what? these love birds are younger than me so I was  not surprised when I was ambushed wiht the question "What advice can you give, ate?".  To begin, I was really glad they asked  ;) -- not that I am an expert, but because as most of us know, this is the most important decision one will make so it is really really really important to ask.  Did I forget to say "really?" :)

So, in case you want to know or you need ideas, let me share them with you.

1.  "Magpa-counsel kayo"
Plan for your marriage by seeking planned or intentional counseling.
A lot of couples sit down for long hours to plan a wedding.  They even hire a wedding coordinator     for an event that will happen for 5 hours.  They also have researched on what a great wedding looks like.  Is there anything wrong with this?  Of course, none! I actually did this too on my wedding.   However, the problem comes in when you spend more time in planning a wedding than your marriage.

My suggestion is to not do this in passing.  Allot a time, date and a person you can ask or counsel       you.  Sadly, the help you get from the church and government (one day group seminar) may not be     enough, so maybe, try to look for options on who can help you.  I believe many churches (CCF churches for example) and some organizations offer one on one counseling, so yes please, inquire :)   You can also  email me for recommendations.

At this point, maybe you are asking "why does this thing have to be specifically done?". Well, to be honest (1) though you have been together as boyfriend and girlfriend for the longest time, there are still things to be settled and realized. (2) to add, you will know the deeper meaning of marriage when you seat down and discuss it (3) you can ask your issues and concerns (as a couple, with each other, with in-laws and others) and lastly (4) This would be a safe way to discuss and settle problems that you have been avoiding or hiding under the rugs

2. "bumukod kayo ha?  Leave and cleave :) 
Follow God's blueprint .  I have a blog committed on this topic.  I hope you read it too.

3.  "Look at the marriage part as well"
Aside from loving your partner, embrace and appreciate the idea of marriage.  I have come to realize this after being married for 5 years.  When the honeymoon period is over, you can reboot it only when you know why you are married, what marriage is and the purpose for your relationship.  I think that when a couple fails to understand the biggest reason of their union, it will have the tendency to fall apart.  

Our marriages can never be perfect but a good start is a solid foundation.  Seek for advice. Gather information.  Accept correction and look for inspiration.  After all, the world of marriage is a lifetime. Best wishes!

Now to you who are already married, what advice will you give if asked?

FREE E-WORKBOOK: How to be a Happy Stay at Home Wife and Mom


So I finally was able to write one!  And since this is a milestone for me and my blog, I want to share this to you for free!

From Crappy to Happy:  Your Ultimate Guide on
 How to Be a Stay At Home Wife and Mom

This e-workbook is helpful if...
1.  you are considering to be a stay at home wife and mom 
2.  you want to re-evaluate your decision as a SAHWH and
3.  your life as a stay-at-home wife and mom sucks ;)

And since this is a workbook, you will be guided to write down your thoughts, choices and fears. Aside from this, you will also be tasked to assess you and your family's finances, dynamics and schedule.  

How can you get this?
Just click :)

This workbook is very personal because it is a product of of my tears a week back.  Recently, I fell apart and I had to go back to my reasons and re-evaluate my decision to be one.  With this scenario, I thought of sharing my journey and the questions I answered with you.  Thankful that God can disappointments to encourage others.  I pray that this book be a blessing to you as well!


Do you know that married couples promised a lifetime even if...(insert scenario here)" when they said "I do"? 

I think that engaged or married couples should embrace two things: their spouses and the "idea of marriage". Marriage a.k.a being forgiving,  giving of chancessss, accepting shortcomings, not whining, allowing favors, loving and accepting their "troubled souls", being trusting, doing the first move... In other words, sticking with marriage no matter what... Crazy, right?! 

What is my hugot?

Bryan and I have been married for almost 5 years now.  Yes, I still love him soooo dearly, but do you know what is sometimes stressing me out? The whole idea and God's standards of marriage. Aaaccckkk!! 

For example....

(1)God said we should not let the sun down on our anger.  (2) He also said that I should respect (no whining, no raising of eyebrows and voices, no dabog, no anything that will make him feel disrespected) (3) Plus, He mentioned in the Bible that wives should submit even if we think they are making the worst decision ever.  

Of course, I would love to be reconciled to Bryan after a silly fight, but, after a day or two or at least when "I am ready". I also know I should submit to his decisions, but, I would also want to prove him I am right, and that I am capable of making the best decisions.  Lastly, I know he still loves me when he disappoints me, at the same time, I would love to make him feel he deserves this bad attitude because I felt unloved. 

But guess what? This is not how marriage should be.  If I will do my own thing, surely, I can still say I love Bryan, but do you realize that when we act not minding our partner, we are disregarding       "God's idea of marriage" ?  If this will happen, it would be like going to an office and only following the rules when we feel like it. Sounds a bad idea, right?

So what do we do now?  

 Look at the nitty gritty of marriage! Be sure you know your future spouse and the God's ways on how to make a marriage work.  Why? because we could be committed to our partners but not to marriage. To those who have already fallen to the wonderful world of union, always and always choose marriage.  Aside from pleasing your partner, try to discover what is the idea behind a real marriage and constantly work on it. Let us not think that working on marriage is tiring, because when we honor God in our relationships, He makes marriage possible and easy.

I can say this because I have experienced it.  It would be really impossible to unlove Bryan, however, I must say that the struggle to NOT think about God's standards of marriage is very tempting when you reach five years. This made me ponder on the idea that those who "fall out of love" do not "fall out of love" with their husbands or wives primarily but with their marriages first, hence the famous phrase "I love you but I just can't be with you" or "Mahal kita pero hindi na ako masaya". 

Our spouse is one thing, and our marriage is another. Let us not make the mistake of treating them as one.  Let us love and respect  our husbands and lovingly work on your marriage each day.

Again, going back to my illustration, if we want to stay long in companies, impress your boss and follow the office rules.  Same with the relationship you are in.  Be of your husband AND your marriage.

How are we treating God's design of marriage?  Are we aligned to it?  My encouragement is to stay put on the road that He prepared for us.  When we acknowledge that He instituted marriage, it will be easier to obey and trust His idea.