Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts

MY GOD COMPLETES ME

**originally written 2013


Lately, instead of parking right beside my office, I park behind the Insular Life building.  The reason is basic – 50 php vs. 30 php. 

Anyway, one early morning, it dawned on me that Insular Life building was the place where I directed Repertory League of International Christian Academy (REPLICA). Since I was a Theater grad, this production was a product of theory, hard work, sweat, passion, late-nights, and long rehearsals which I did not mind at all -- I actually loved every minute of it.

Aside from the beautiful memories I made in that show, I also remembered the night I sadly sat down inside my car while holding a bouquet of flowers my Production Manager gave me during the last curtain call.  

I was not upset because the play was a flop (the show was a hit) but because of a reality.  I believed God allowed me to feel and realize that no claps, standing ovation, praises, flowers, hugs and congratulations could make me “whole”.  In the beginning I was asking God on why I was not “on top of the world” after receiving positive comments? After mulling over and praying, God made me see that I can be only "full" in Him and with Him.

image not mine


I am not saying that we shouldn’t be celebrating victories.  What I am expressing is the things that we get from the world are temporary.  It would last.  It would end.  So, while we are at it, enjoy.  Include God in EVERY step.  Chew every bite of it.   Learn from all its ups and downs.  Because when it ends, it ends.  There is no way of coming back.

To end this “senti blog”, allow me to share this pop song of Britney Spears.  Ironic ba? Senti then Britney.  Well, so be it, let it be ironic.  Medyo related kasi.


LUCKY

Early morning, she wakes up
Knock, knock, knock on the door
It's time for make-up, perfect smile
It's you they're all waiting for
They go,
"Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"
And they say,

[Chorus]
She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?

Lost in an image, in a dream
But there's no one there to wake her up
And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning
But tell me what happens when it stops?
They go,
"Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"
And they say,

[Chorus]

"Best actress, and the winner is, Lucky!"
"I'm Roger Johnson for Pop News standing outside the arena waiting for Lucky."
"Oh my god, here she comes!"

Isn't she lucky, this Hollywood girl?
She is so lucky, but why does she cry?
If there's nothing missing in her life
Why do tears come at night?

























UNSWERVING LOYALTY AND LOVE

“Forever Yours: Going the Distance” is the second couple’s retreat that Mico and I had attended. Coincidentally, the bulk of the conference focused on “Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires and The Respect He Desperately Needs, ” topic which we have learned for three times already – first, when our pre-marriage counsellors required us to read the book with the same title by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs; second, when our church Dgroup discussed it in one of our sessions and third, in this couple’s retreat. Despite being exposed to the same topic for several times, the Lord has always prepared something new for us.

This year’s retreat allowed me to see how rewarding it is to do God’s command of “loving” my wife even if at times she appears to be unlovable. Loving her is not merely a responsibility that I need to do but a privilege for me to worship God since the main purpose of marriage is to adore Him. As a result, a rewarding marriage is experienced.

Our first speaker lectured on the “Blueprint on Marriage” as written by God, the author of every connubial. One thing that struck me is when he discussed the need for “unswerving loyalty" which entails knowing your wife on all aspects – physically, intellectually, spiritually and emotionally. I asked myself, “Do I know Mico that much? Is my loyalty to her unswerving to the extent that I know her on all facets of life?” However, these questions were clearly answered when our last speaker stood and expounded on the grace of God which enables each one to do what He has commanded us to do.

Indeed, it is only by His grace that we can copiously know our spouses, consequently, being one in serving God.With us in the retreat is a couple who are on their twilight years and has been together for almost 60 years. Both of them use canes. The wife even uses wheel chair if there is a need for a fairly long walk. Hearing their testimony made me appreciate God’s  sustaining love and grace. Their long journey together were full of successes and failures, but, despite all these, they recognize that the Lord sustained them and gave them His unwavering love that binds their love for each other through the ages. 

Having learned all these, the Lord reminded me that my marriage with Mico is work in progress according to His design. Looking back to what the Lord has done to us in the past two years of our marriage, I am excited to see what He has in store for us in the years to come as we continue our journey with Him.

Forever Yours, Forever His: My Reflections on Our Recent Retreat


The retreat we recently attended reminded me that I should value my relationship to God so my relationship with Bryan will grow all the more.  All this time, I thought marriage is all about Bryan, I have never realized that marriage is about God.  I was tasked by God to respect Bryan because this is how He wanted it to be from the very beginning. Disobeying and raising my issues to my husband in an unloving and disrespectful ways do not only displeases Bryan but more so the Lord

This was a timely reminder because I wake up every morning with the hopes of doing all I can for our little family.  Although this may be good, this is not enough because I have to please God first in every aspect of our relationship.  And when I do, that is when I can truly be the "best" wife to Bryan. Though psychology, society, and media may all have the suggestions and ways on how a marrriage can work, I realized that these institutions did not create marriage.  It was God who instituted marriage, therefore, He alone has the master blueprint on how marriages can be made beautiful.  Thank you Lord for this assurance!


Let me also include a few lines that pierced my heart during our stay in Tagaytay.  May this encourage you as well.

God has a wonderful plan for our families -- and it starts with the husband and wife
- Pastor Roy Fabella

Marriage is designed by God to be enjoyed by the couple.
- Bro. Paul Aragones

(to husband) kelan ko sinabi sayo na "I love you"? Parang hindi ba diba? O ngayon, sasabihin ko na "I love you..."
- a wife who's been married for 40 years

Married couples are to create their own household.
- Bro. Paul Aragones

The things that matters to God, matters...
- I forgot who ;)

MOTHERHOOD: On What Changed In Me

Mama has been a stay-at-home mother for me and Kai.  She never worked nor did business.  Me and Kai were her daily tasks.  With this upbringing, at an early age, I was convinced that one day I would like to be one too.

Now that I am living the life of Mom who is always at home, I witnessed how my life drastically and beautifully change.  Yes, my status, routine, schedule, priorities were all altered but aside from all of these, there is something inside me that was transformed.  I thought I was already the person I want to be when I got to my late twenties, obviously, I was incorrect. Motherhood (even without my "permission") impacted my life so much that I felt I became a new person.

I did not realize what responsibility meant up until a life was given to me (us). Holding Risen for the first time, and seeing how tiny, soft, and vulnerable he was, was insanely unimaginable.  He has life and his breathing, eating, comfort, and happiness  purely depends on me (us).  I (we) am literally his life.  If I do anything stupid or clumsy, I may lose him.  The moment I became pregnant, a life depends on me.  A life purely depends on me.

I also thought that all the short term missions and community immersions I did made me experience sacrifice.  However, as you have guessed, I was wrong again.  Those things were only 10 percent of what sacrifice  really is. This page will not be enough of the things I had to painfully let go to make sure Risen has a sane Mom at home. I do not regret this (and a lot of Moms told me I never will) but I have to be honest that sometimes, I miss a lot of things.  I miss being spontaneous, teaching inside the classroom, not thinking of anything, sleeping the whole day, working and leaving work to meet up with friends, and a whole lot more.  One may think these are just little circumstances, but when you are tied up with responsibilities you plainly cannot leave at all cost, these little cups of happiness become a humongous platter.

Lastly, I did not realize how self-centered and selfish I was when I was still single. I only thought of myself, my joys, and what I want.  This character made me hurt my parents because I only see myself in every situation.  What I need, What I want, What I am suppose to have. Risen taught me to slowly let go of this.  The unconditional love of my parents and the stubborn grace of God make me tear up and sorry how selfish I was in the past. Ang sama sama ko palang bata noon :(.... Although this attitude still surfaces at times, I am humbled on how my situation brings me back to where I should be.

I am only on my first year of being a stay-at-home mom, a God's work in progress and I know bigger things are ahead of me. However, it is nice to reflect on what August 13, 2013 did to me.  Risen was born on that day and little did I know that a new Mico will be born as well.


God,
Thank you for the wonderful gift of motherhood.  I felt your love and discipline through it.  You really know what to do with life!  Maraming Salamat.

and to Bryan and Risen,

Thank you for making me a mother.  You two changed me for the better.  I love you both.  


Mommy Mico