Showing posts with label relationship goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship goals. Show all posts

PAIL VS. POOL

It took us a lot of convincing before Risen agreed to leave the pail of water so we could drive to a swimming party.  He was so happy in his floaters that he even told us he do not want to swim in the pool because he was already swimming in the pail!  Crazy, right?  If he only knew how big and deep a real pool is, I am sure, he would excitedly get out of our old, rusty pail.


Image credit to owner

I don't know why, but this story of Risen got into me. In many occasions, I too have stayed in a pail of water rather than a 5 ft deep of water.  

How about you?  Are you also trying to float in a tiny tub?  Thinking that the place you are in is already God's best for you?

When I became a mother, I have understood God more.  That if I only obey and follow His rules, He will take me to places.  Just like in Risen's case, we had to argue with him and explain hard that swimming in a pail is nothing compared to being inside a pool. If he only listened and obeyed, we could have left early, hence a longer time for him to enjoy.

It may be a wrong relationship, a job that takes away your "life",  a debt that you have been carrying, a worry stuck in your head, a sin you are so afraid to let go. Let me tell you that if what you have now is against God's law, then that is not His best and will never be His best. Trust me, based on experience, the pool or even a beach is the right place to dive into.

Just let go of the pail.  God is waiting for you so he can bring you to the sea.


8 THINGS YOU SAY AFTER A BREAK-UP THAT ARE NOT TRUE

1.   I will never find someone like him/her - Well this is actually partly true because each person is unique so most probably you will never meet someone the same.  However, on the context of "she is the best and I will never find another best", this is NOT true at all.  Unfair naman yan sa mga single who are making sure they are at their best when the right love comes.  Soooo, no, the girl or boy that you just break-up with is NOT the best (for you).
2.  I will never love someone the same way as I did - To begin, we are not suppose to measure love because love is as it is.  Let me remind you that effort is not the same as loving.  Maybe, you gave it all your best because you are so desperate to save the relationship and NOT because you love the person.  Being in a relationship is not suppose to be saving what you have.  It should just be plain loving. So yes, maybe you will never "love someone the way you did".  You know why? because the right kind of love is not heavy.  It is effortless, not stressful, definitely not tiring. 

3.  I will never get married - You just broke up with one boy/girl, not to all the men/women in the world.  Wag mo idamay yung iba;)

4.  I will never move-on - Yes, you will not be better tomorrow or maybe in the coming weeks.  However, after a year, you will be able to.  Do not rush happiness.  Let loneliness come and stay.  Wallow on it if you have to. I am sure, after some time, this place and that place won't remind you of him or her na.  You will be able to move on.  Time will help.

5.  He/She did not love me at all - If we are talking about a serious and long term relationship, I believe he/she loved you.  No one will stay with a crazy person like you unless they are drawn to you.   And come on, you were together for some time because you knew he loved you.  So yes, he/she loved you!! (Actually, this is not important na kasi break na nga kayo, diba? ;))

6.  He will always be special - Nah.  I don't think so.  Yes, the memories will be there (unless Amnesia gets in the way), but him or her remaining special? No.  His face will fade.  You might even soon forget special dates.  Even the moments you had together.  So, no.  He will not remain special.  I really don't think so.

7.  I wish we'd remain friends -  Why would you want to be friends with your ex?  Wala ka na bang ibang friends? Seriously, the worse thing a boy or girl can do is to be "instant friends" after a break-up.  Of course it can happen naman, but not right away.  And again, why would you want to be friends? Be careful of what you wish for!

8.  I do not want to love again - A break-up, an abusive relationship, or a heartbreak can really be traumatic.  I will accept that you don't want to love at this time, however, only this time, okay?  Promise me that once you have settled, you will love again.  Because, love, when done rightly and with the right man/woman is something that is worth being brave for.  And when the moment comes that God hands you the love story He has for you, embrace it -  seize it.  Because this time (and when you obey God's will), there will be no more break-ups!


I FOUND LOVE IN THE PARKING LOT

When Bryan told me he would drive from his house to CCP parking lot just to see me before I watch a play with my cousin Dei, I knew in my heart I found a love.  Fine, it was not "love" agad, but the thought that there was this (gwapo) guy who would want to see me for no reason at all is something that the butterflies in my tummy won't deny.  I have actually forgotten what the play was all about, but I still vividly remember the pawis on my nose (because of kaba) and how I slept with a smile on my face that night.  The world seemed magical that moment (actually, the magic lasted for about a week or so).

Adamson grad 2009 (i think)

studying together
 What a joy is it to find  "new love".  So refreshing to find a different face among the crowd.  At that time, there was no "sana maging kami" or "sana sya na" or "sana ligawan nya ko" or even "sana sya na God's will ko".  I knew it will be a beautiful story so I just had to wait for it to unfold.  There was no pressure or waiting or pushing or asking.

Adamson Christmas party 2009
church outing
That meet up led to other dates. Those instances were solid good times.  Aside that he was always on time, I knew that our date would be nice and light but with sincerity, direction and intent.  It was Good vibes...always.
Enchanted Kingdom 2010

Rizal's house

Rizal's house

Now that we are married, the best part of my day is when he comes home or when I see him walking towards me when I have to pick him up or meet him in the grocery.  It is like, HE IS HERE, BRYAN IS HEREEEEE!!! --with fireworks that makes you go "wwwoooowww"!!

Every time I see him I knew in my heart and mind I found love.  Seeing his face amongst a sea of people is always an answered prayer. It always makes my heart flutter.




SINGLES, SOME OF YOUR DREAMS WILL HAVE TO WAIT WHEN YOU GET MARRIED

Do not get me wrong, I am happily married with Bryan but I just want to remind those who are so excited (too giddy that they only see the romantic aspect) to get married to look into the "non-romantic" side.  At times, we only see the beauty of being together with our one great love that we do not think about the possibilities of the future.  Though these issues may be inevitable, it is still good to check our hearts and minds if we are ready to be selfless, delay or give-up the things we have been so used to and or support someone as we abandon what makes us alive.

It is always good to sit down and check with our future spouse if they would be willing to compromise on certain aspects of their lives.  At the end of the day, married couples are still individuals who have ambitions, likes, dreams and curiosities.  Enumerate the things that you still want to do and things that you would be willing to give-up.

Take I, for example.  I was not able to finish my Masters when I was single and I believe it would be difficult now.  Is finishing my Masters a dream? Definitely a "yes!!".  Do I think I can enroll anytime? "Nope" - Going back to school would mean expenses, less time with my little family, shorter sleep and almost zero social life.  So, hindi na lang muna.  There goes my dream of finishing my Masters.  It is slowly fading away.





Another thing that I had to give up are my lakwatsa days.  I used to travel A LOT and obviously I can't do this now.  As much as I want to be spontaneous and go places, hindi na pwede.  Not that Bryan does not like going around, it is just that we have to consider ourselves plus Risen.  We need to check our skeds, safety, environment will go to, health, budget, weather, etc.  Before kasi, walang isip isip.  Alis lang ng alis ;)







Lastly, remember the bag and shoes you have been eyeing? That new gadget that you promised yourself you will buy the next payday? That too might not be easy to get.  When you get married, your money is not yours anymore.  It is already a "shared resource" for bills, rents, vaccines, emergency stuff, etc. 





So, singles, know what you want and enjoy it now.  Keep dreaming and aspiring (and actively doing something about it) because  you might not have the room for it when you get married.  It is important that you enjoy what you love now so you will not regret slowing down when you tie the knot.  At least, you can say "na-enjoy ko na yan!  ok lang kahit hindi ko na magawa or mabili ngayon..."

Let this be a warning to all singles.  Your life will change when you get married and have a family.  Be sure that aside from being in love and or pregnant (sorry I had to be direct), you have other reasons of walking down the aisle. It is better to be single than to marry for the wrong reasons.

I am not being negative, just being realistic.  This is me showing you the "other side" of marriage. I love being married and I think I am enjoying it because I knew or accepted from the beginning which can't me mine anymore!   However, if you married "early" or for the "wrong" reasons, God's wonderful plans did not change.  I am sure He has all these good things for you as well!   He can work and redeem your love story!

Think about it.  Pray hard.  Ingat! :)






CCF TEAMBUILDING: HOW I SURVIVED BEING IN THE SAME TEAM WITH MY HUSBAND



I was in the same team with Bryan in our recent team building because he had to drive a van to Batangas for the first time.   We were so thankful to Tita Ann (one of our facilitators) did this. However, since I am a driver too, it was not too easy to stop myself from coaching Bryan.


When we fetched the van from CCF Alabang, I started nagging Bryan about his driving style. It became too much that he had to ask me to stop pressuring him and just be supportive.  I had to literally bite my tongue as we parked in CCF Muntinlupa to get our passengers.  The team building has not started yet, but I already learned something.

In many times, Bryan does not need my lecture but my support.

As we went along, I had to do several tasks with Bryan and with team Heroes.  Let me enumerate the things we did:

1.  Prepare a team banner


2.  Buy and cook lunch at Sto. Tomas Market, Batangas (clues were given as we locate one place to the next)



3.  Make a clay pot from one of the pot stores along San Juan, Batangas




4.  Build a boat made up of Balikbayan box and cross a part of the ocean at La Luz Resort




5.  Find the letters J-E-S-U-S and stock it up (directtion to come from team members)




I realized it is both easy and hard to be in the same team with Bryan.  My husband is not difficult to be with but I became a little confused with my "role".  In the middle of every team huddle I was like...."Am I a wife to Bryan or are we "equal" here?"  "Am I suppose to support my husband all throughout the day or am I allowed to step up and take a responsibility?" 



Yep, I may look really busy in our tasks but in my every move, I think of Bryan.  I would even guard my comments, actions and suggestions because I do not want to bring "shame" to him!!  I was really conscious all the time.  Was this good?  I think so!  Why? Because no matter what responsibility I get, I am a wife first (after to being a Christian of course).  Therefore, I should consider him in everything I do! Yes, even in teambuildings!!

In this blog entry, I have said that we have decided to serve in the Singles Ministry together.  We have not yet felt the "pressure" of doing the Lord's work hand by hand but the team building reminded me that there would be tough times.  On the other hand, since Bryan has been more or less become my best buddy, working with him has been easy breezy.  He has become my accountability partner, prayer partner, critic, encourager and number 1 fan (except in singing hehe). 



It's definitely a pleasure to be able to work hand in hand with my husband.  I am excited on how God will use this to mold him, me and us.  I am sure we are not only made for each other but we are also made for God's work.  Now, I would not mind being in the same group with Bry.  Not only that I learn more things about him, but I also discover who I am with him.





WHY IS HE WORTH THE KEEP

Your parents love him 
Mothers (more or less parents) have this gut feeling about your man.  
Ask them about him.  They may be 90% right.

He has a stable job and a bank account 
A man who values the future does not only dream about it but prepares for it.  He is not dependent on his parents or siblings.  He has a regular job and knows how to work his way up.  And yes, a wise man saves up.  

He does not make promises  
It is either he is actively working on his promises or he has done them already

You share the same faith and values
Married couple would have disagreements and this is normal.  However, you can lessen the pressure if you have the same faith and values.  Not convinced? Check this out!

He does not have personal issues
It is difficult to be with a man who has baggages on his shoulders.  His issues may got to do with his self-esteem, unresolved conflicts, debts, personhood, sexuality, etc.


He does not cringe when you drop the words wedding and marriage
Personally, I would like to be with a man who is not only willing to marry me but is also ready to get hitched NOW.  I don't know with you. 
Come to think of it, if not marriage, what will be the goal of your relationship?

He does not pressure or lead you to be physically intimate
Yes, men who are not after your thighs and breasts are still present!!
 Let me share a little secret. Me and my husband had our first kiss on our wedding day.  We have been together as an engaged couple for 2 and a half years and the farthest we have been is a peck on the cheek! Yes, it can still happen!!!




You see and know that he will be a good father
Remember that your future husband will not only be your spouse
 but also the future father of your children.  Think, think, think!

He is a follower of God
Trust me, you would want and need a man who follows God.  Let me take this to another level by challenging you to seek a man who is not only a christian (yes, some Christians do not follow God's commandments) but also seeks and obeys the Lord.  Your husband will be the leader of your home and family and it is just wise to have someone whose leader is the Lord.




UNSWERVING LOYALTY AND LOVE

“Forever Yours: Going the Distance” is the second couple’s retreat that Mico and I had attended. Coincidentally, the bulk of the conference focused on “Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires and The Respect He Desperately Needs, ” topic which we have learned for three times already – first, when our pre-marriage counsellors required us to read the book with the same title by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs; second, when our church Dgroup discussed it in one of our sessions and third, in this couple’s retreat. Despite being exposed to the same topic for several times, the Lord has always prepared something new for us.

This year’s retreat allowed me to see how rewarding it is to do God’s command of “loving” my wife even if at times she appears to be unlovable. Loving her is not merely a responsibility that I need to do but a privilege for me to worship God since the main purpose of marriage is to adore Him. As a result, a rewarding marriage is experienced.

Our first speaker lectured on the “Blueprint on Marriage” as written by God, the author of every connubial. One thing that struck me is when he discussed the need for “unswerving loyalty" which entails knowing your wife on all aspects – physically, intellectually, spiritually and emotionally. I asked myself, “Do I know Mico that much? Is my loyalty to her unswerving to the extent that I know her on all facets of life?” However, these questions were clearly answered when our last speaker stood and expounded on the grace of God which enables each one to do what He has commanded us to do.

Indeed, it is only by His grace that we can copiously know our spouses, consequently, being one in serving God.With us in the retreat is a couple who are on their twilight years and has been together for almost 60 years. Both of them use canes. The wife even uses wheel chair if there is a need for a fairly long walk. Hearing their testimony made me appreciate God’s  sustaining love and grace. Their long journey together were full of successes and failures, but, despite all these, they recognize that the Lord sustained them and gave them His unwavering love that binds their love for each other through the ages. 

Having learned all these, the Lord reminded me that my marriage with Mico is work in progress according to His design. Looking back to what the Lord has done to us in the past two years of our marriage, I am excited to see what He has in store for us in the years to come as we continue our journey with Him.

Forever Yours, Forever His: My Reflections on Our Recent Retreat


The retreat we recently attended reminded me that I should value my relationship to God so my relationship with Bryan will grow all the more.  All this time, I thought marriage is all about Bryan, I have never realized that marriage is about God.  I was tasked by God to respect Bryan because this is how He wanted it to be from the very beginning. Disobeying and raising my issues to my husband in an unloving and disrespectful ways do not only displeases Bryan but more so the Lord

This was a timely reminder because I wake up every morning with the hopes of doing all I can for our little family.  Although this may be good, this is not enough because I have to please God first in every aspect of our relationship.  And when I do, that is when I can truly be the "best" wife to Bryan. Though psychology, society, and media may all have the suggestions and ways on how a marrriage can work, I realized that these institutions did not create marriage.  It was God who instituted marriage, therefore, He alone has the master blueprint on how marriages can be made beautiful.  Thank you Lord for this assurance!


Let me also include a few lines that pierced my heart during our stay in Tagaytay.  May this encourage you as well.

God has a wonderful plan for our families -- and it starts with the husband and wife
- Pastor Roy Fabella

Marriage is designed by God to be enjoyed by the couple.
- Bro. Paul Aragones

(to husband) kelan ko sinabi sayo na "I love you"? Parang hindi ba diba? O ngayon, sasabihin ko na "I love you..."
- a wife who's been married for 40 years

Married couples are to create their own household.
- Bro. Paul Aragones

The things that matters to God, matters...
- I forgot who ;)

The Love He Has for You

Last Sunday the Youth and Singles ministries of CCF Muntinlupa spearheaded an event entitled "Would You be My Valentine?: True Love Waits".  More or less 150 young people attended the occasion.  The topic was about  how the author of love (God) makes His love perfect for His creation.  






One of the highlights of the event  was the song that tita Lyn sang at the end of the programme. It pierced my heart!  If I had known this song before our wedding, this will surely be on our song list.  Let me share to you the lyrics and the Youtube video from Point of Grace.  

The Love He Has for You 

When you're living for the love of a lifetime
You wonder if the waiting will ever end
And the right from the wrong that you've guarded so long
Is closer that it's ever been

But sometimes a moment of weakness
Can sacrifice the treasure of time
And cause you to miss the miracle
God longs for you to find

There's a love He has for you
There's a heart that He's been saving
There's a joy beyond all measure
That only comes from waiting

There's a love He has for you
It's more than the hope you're holding to
And you will find the only love that's true
Is the love He has for you

When you're torn between today and tomorrow
And holding out for something you cannot see
There's a strength you can find knowing in God's own time
You'll discover what He meant to be

'Cause love like the Father intended
Is more than just a state of the heart
So don't give up hope in the holding on
'Cause no matter who you are

There's a love He has for you
There's a heart that He's been saving
There's a joy beyond all measure
That only comes from waiting

There's a love He has for you
It's more than the hope you're holding to
And you will find the only love that's true
Is the love He has for you

There's a heart that He's been saving
There's a joy beyond all measure
That only comes from waiting
There's a love He has for you

It's more than the hope you're holding to
And you will find the only love that's true
Yes you'll find the only love that's true
Is the love He has for you


Oh the love He has for you

-Point of Grace



To All the Early 20s who will be "Dateless" and "Lonely" Tomorrow


I too had my my own share of alone moments during Valentines day.  I remember being sad and questionable on why my life is such a misery (yes, ganun ka OA with matching tears pa yun). 


Mas na feel ko pa yung pagiging sad when I was given flowers by my students with the underlying statement, "Ms. Mico, wala kang date?  kami na lang date mo".   Then, there was a time when my sister Kai who was grade 2 that year  blatantly asked me (I was 24 years old ata ) if I was already a matandang dalaga. HAY!! 


Nakakainis pa yung feeling that most of your friends have dates or at least someone has a crush on them, tapos ikaw wala!! Aaaayyyy ang sakit naman talaga sa heart! Then everyone is asking you pa kung "saan ang date mo?", then if you tell them na "wala", and reply nila ay "bakit?"...Ang sarap mang batok, diba? 

So, if you are single and you feel alone, WELCOME TO THE CLUB!! YOU ARE NORMAL!!. It happens, my dear.  On the other hand, it will pass.  Feb 14 is just a day.  Yung iba, may ka date nga, but they are not truly happy (bitter na kung bitter, totoo naman kaya!).  So, maybe you can buy yourself a bag of chips or a pint of ice cream (pwede din both) and do a movie marathon.  Or pwede din, matulog ka na lang.  Or go out with people who are happily date-less too.  Or, feel the sadness.  It is okay to be lonely.  It is okay mag mukmok.  It is okay to cry.

But again, it will pass.  And just like me, you will wake up one day not remembering what it feels to be lonely.  Dadating yan, promise.  You do not even have to wait for it. Hugs to YOU!!!

Love and Respect - I am giving away this book for FREE!!

 FREE book this love month!!




image from http://patinageneral.typepad.com/

Just leave a comment on my blog why you think you deserve this good read.  I will pick one winner by Monday (yep, that would be Feb 16) and notify that person through email!!


So, hurry!  Give me your reasons and I will ship the book right away.  Do not forget to leave your email ad so we could speak right away!!