Showing posts with label risen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label risen. Show all posts

PAIL VS. POOL

It took us a lot of convincing before Risen agreed to leave the pail of water so we could drive to a swimming party.  He was so happy in his floaters that he even told us he do not want to swim in the pool because he was already swimming in the pail!  Crazy, right?  If he only knew how big and deep a real pool is, I am sure, he would excitedly get out of our old, rusty pail.


Image credit to owner

I don't know why, but this story of Risen got into me. In many occasions, I too have stayed in a pail of water rather than a 5 ft deep of water.  

How about you?  Are you also trying to float in a tiny tub?  Thinking that the place you are in is already God's best for you?

When I became a mother, I have understood God more.  That if I only obey and follow His rules, He will take me to places.  Just like in Risen's case, we had to argue with him and explain hard that swimming in a pail is nothing compared to being inside a pool. If he only listened and obeyed, we could have left early, hence a longer time for him to enjoy.

It may be a wrong relationship, a job that takes away your "life",  a debt that you have been carrying, a worry stuck in your head, a sin you are so afraid to let go. Let me tell you that if what you have now is against God's law, then that is not His best and will never be His best. Trust me, based on experience, the pool or even a beach is the right place to dive into.

Just let go of the pail.  God is waiting for you so he can bring you to the sea.


WHEN GOD TOOK AWAY THE FUN AND GLAMOUR OF CHRISTMAS

I have been trying to compose a post about Christmas since the start of December. However, I kept on typing then deleting then typing and erasing it again.

Then December 24 came. As some of you would know, we rushed Risen to the hospital last December 24 at 11am and he was confined up until the 25th. It was Risen's first confinement, sa Ilocos pa at Christmas pa. Our Noche Buena was spent watching Risen in his hospital bed while I ate instant noodles and Bry munched on our little boy's hospital food leftover (stores were already closes when we realized we didn't have Noche Buena). It was sad.


However, the quiet hospital room and the silent prayers I made me realize that this is somewhat the real meaning of Christmas. It isn't about food, nor the gifts, nor family getting busy to attend reunions, nor the fun it brings but about Jesus. Christmas is only about Jesus. 

On that night, God took away the fun and glamour of Christmas. I had a lot of chances to wallow in pity and ask God "why now?" but my heart chose to celebrate (which was a real struggle) because today Jesus was born so Risen can have life.  What right do I have to complain when I already have received the biggest and grandest gift which was Jesus who paid for my sins? 

So amidst the horrific hospital gown 🙄😮 and the situation we were in, TULOY NA TULOY ANG PASKO!!



It is very easy to say Christmas is not about the fun it brings and it takes another level to experience it. At the end of the day, I am still thankful.

I do not know how Christmas was like for you but I hope it had more depth compared to the others you had before. May the love and real meaning of December 25 be seen in our lives!!


PS
someone from the end of the globe sent us money which amounts to a little over our hospital bill.  This was super unexpected because we haven't seen nor communicated with them in years. They did not even know Risen was sick so we were surprised that our ATM has a spare cash and got overwhelmed when they emailed us about this. So what am I saying? The gift of Christmas is real!!

GOD MADE TWODAY

Risen had a small birthday treat last August 15, 2015.  We were so glad that his Ninongs, Ninangs and friends from our church came.  It was good to be surrounded with people who are also very aware of Risen's milestones.  Kudos to Shakey's Muntinlupa staff - you did a really good job!! Thank you again family and friends for taking time!
























PRI-YOU-RITY

Risen had his second birthday on a Thursday.  This means that it will be a "normal schedule". Bryan will go to work at 6am and I will have to teach for 2-3 hours in the morning plus a "few things" here and there.  However, since it was Risen's day, I decided to continue with our usual routine but make sure to give all my energy, eyes, dedication and focus on him.  I made it certain that except for my online work, no other little things will be done.

When I woke up I already had my schedule in mind.  I would have devotions, teach for 2 hours then Risen and I would play, be silly, read aloud, extend bath time, sing, write on doors using chalk, bike outide, buy Stick-O, etc.  When Bryan arrived at around 3:30, the play and fun continued.  At the end of his big day, I was like, why am I a happier mother today?

I suddenly realized because maybe I lived our day without thinking of anything.  I did not mind not being able to do this and that. I did not get pissed having to postpone "other" things because Risen wanted to play.  It dawned on me that this is the true meaning of priority.  Not getting frustrated because my main concern held me back, but being able to let go of the "other things" because of who or what needs me the most.


image not mine
As I mentioned in one of my posts before, full-time moms may easily forget the reason behind their "vocation".  Risen's birthday reminded me that he is my priority (aside from God and Bryan, of course) so I should not worry or get bad irritated when I do not get things done.  I too should not feel unproductive when what I did all day is play with my toddler.  I am a stay-at-home mom because of Risen and not because of the other things.

This season is for Risen.  While Bryan is at work, our son is all mine.  He thinks I am his world so I will give it to him.  The others can wait up until his nap time.

How about you? Is your priority really your priority?



A LETTER FOR MY TODDLER

Risen,

A day before your birthday, I decided to put off work, a proper lunch, and other errands so I can rest because I was feeling really unwell since 6am.  When I entered our room, you were sleeping soundly so I was glad because I knew I could catch some snooze too.  However, when I was about to enter the dreamland, you cried a little and for some reasons, was not able to go back to sleep.  At 12:30 (you were supposed to wake up at 1:30 pa) you decided to play with your floaters while I was hungry, sick, sleepy  and with tons of to-do-list on my head.  I thought to myself if I should go ballistic, pero hindi eh.  I smiled as I watched you walk around with phone chargers hanged on your neck.  Under the blanket and all the sneezing, I was thankful for your life, your father and God.

Babe, thank you for making mommy as patient, as loving, as understanding and as selfless now.  I am now on the other side of the world because of you.  Yes, maybe my life would also be good if I decided to remain single and childless, pero, I do not think my view of life, relationships and Jesus would change this much if God did not give you to me.  You are my biggest life changer and miracle, anak.  Because of you, I have learned the meaning of joyful sacrifice and happy tears. Salamat!


Every night, I would pray that I would be the best mom for you, but every day I would also fail.  With that I am sorry. I will never be a perfect mommy, but I am trying hard.... Please put your eyes on Jesus and not on me.  Mom will disappoint, hurt and make you feel bad (not intentional of course) but your Maker will always know what is the bestest for you.  I pray that God will be with me (us, together with your Dad) when I wake up and watch you, and please, also ask Him to watch you as you grow up.  He is the only one who we can all trust.  Ok, babe?

For now, we will bake, play with water, build blocks, make mess, sing Beatles songs, bike and watch Peppa Pig (one hour a day only, okay?).  I will also make sure your tongue is trained for dishes around the world.  So far, I am really proud because you like Mustard, a tiny spread of Wasabi, veggies and fish.  Yipee.





Happy birthday, Risen our boy!! I love you.  Pa kiss sa kili kili! mwahhhh!!!!

PS.


Let this be our birthday gift to you.  Mommy had her passport at 25 so you are considered cool to have it at 2.  We do not know where we will go yet, Mommy has to do Accounting 101 pa, but, I want you to know Mom and Dad desires to go places with you.  Not as fancy as Disneyland, nor smelly zoos where animals are sadly caged, but in towns where we can sleep in tents, look at the stars, play in muddy puddles (just like Peppa pig) and maybe even swim with lots of fishies!!  We pray that God will allow us to take you to lovely places, honey!! Pray with us, okay? :)


MY BIRTHING STORY

It was on August 9, 2013 when I was told by my OB (Dra. Leomi Olivarez) that I have to give birth in a week's time because Risen (we were uncertain of the gender but sure of the name)is already big for my small frame.  She also said that if I do not labor in the coming days, she would be forced to cut be up because it is a bit impossible for my tiny structure to deliver normally.  Hence, I decided to continue working at Fluor and visit the malls in Alabang after my shift.

It was a Tuesday around 10pm, when I started feeling strong and persistent contractions.  I started timing the intervals and realized that I am having them every 20-25 minutes.  I woke up Bryan and told him that about my condition. We waited a little more then we decided to call my parents to pick us up and bring us to the hospital (we were staying at Studio 1 that time).

We arrived at Muntinlupa Doctors Hospital at around 2am.  I was checked by the OB residents and they concluded that I am on my "way to give birth" (2cm).  They called Dra. Olivarez and she ordered that I stay in the hospital for monitoring.  After praying for me, Risen and Bryan, Papa and Mama decided to go home first.  I stayed in the Emergency room for more or less 30 minutes while Bryan arranges a private room.

At around 3:00am, I found myself in the labor room.  I was alone with a few residents coming in and out.  Since I was the only patient, I was frequently asked, monitored and advised to get some rest.  There was an IV inserted on my left hand and a baby heart monitor was placed on my tummy.  At that time, there was a minimal pain already.  I did not mind this and even decided to catch some snooze.  However, a Resident would come by and visit to do IE. This was painful and waaaaay awkward but tolerable.

I stayed calm up until they broke my water bag at around 1pm.  I was like "okay, I feel the pain..."  It was "manageable".  The kind of pain that will make your eyes close and your hands clasped.  This was still okay.  Kaya pa.  However, after an hour, maybe this was around 2pm, the pain went up to another level.  It was like Dysmenorrhea times 100!!!

I was in terrible pain for more or less 3 hours.  I remember squeezing an Intern's hands named Jericho (I will never ever forget his name).  I might have broken his carpals! Grabe naman kasi talaga sa sakit.  It was like I felt like I was gonna pass out.  I kept on shouting in the labor room.  I asked for the doctors just to do a C-section coz I can't handle the pain anymore but they told me I was "almost there".  At around 4:00pm, my vision is already black.  I have not eaten since 2am, I was in terrible pain since 2pm. I have been awake for 12 hours straight!!  My gulay, so this is LABOR!!!!

At around 4pm, between my shouts of despair, I was begging the doctors to bring me to the delivery room.  For the first time in my life, I have experienced the meaning of HINDI KO NA KAYA.  At around 4:45, they brought me to the delivery room.  I was so tired I would fall asleep between my "push".  I was not able to give my best in my push because I was already dead tired.  They had to do fundal push (a heavy weight nurse puts his arm with his full weight on my belly to help Risen out).

After 30 minutes, Risen finally saw the world!!  My doctors told me I had a boy (we did not know his gender).  The last thing I heard was "sige Mico, matulog ka na"

There I finally gave birth!!

PS.

When  my OB finally went out to talk to Bryan about my delivery, the first thing she mentioned was "ang ingay ng asawa mo" instead of telling Risen's gender!  hehehe

Plussss, Byran knew who exactly who our baby was in the nursery.  Lukso ng dugo must be true! :)








Mommyhood Gets "Easier"

For the first time last week, I was able to cook while Risen busily played in our sala.  We have come to the stage that I can leave him "alone" for some time.  Also, my little buddy has been bottle-free for a month now.  He drinks his milk using straw.  This means that when we are out, I just need to bring fresh milk and we are good to go!


Risen proud of what we built


I can go on and on with Risen's milestones, however, alongside these "achievements", I want to highlight that mommyhood gets easier with time.  Age permits out little ones to be slowly independent and though this may be a little sentimental, I am glad to see Risen do his thing.

Really moms,  it gets easier.

Some of you may feel that you will be hostaged for life, but with the right mindset, let me say again that it will be lighter in the coming months.  Hang in there and enjoy smelling your baby's armpits while you still can!

May you enjoy this season of your life, mommies!



THE FIRST STEP TO DISCIPLINING KIDS

Having Risen means we are in-charge of a life.  We are responsible for someone 24/7.  We are given a chance to raise up a boy whose character and personality are still developing.  In all of this, the word discipline is highlighted.  However, how do we begin? When? Where?


image from http://www.sarahdoody.com/


I believe that the first step to raising kids is to agree with your spouse the form of discipline to use. As a teacher, I have learned that the twin of the word discipline is consistency  It could not be a "yes" today then a "no" tomorrow or a "yes" from the mom and a "no" from the Dad.  It has to be fixed.  It has to be consistent.  It has to be the same.  The husband and wife have a agree.

So talk about it and discuss what discipline method to use. If you can't completely decide on somthing specific, compromise.  Meet halfway.

Parenting is difficult and it is more challenging if the mom and dad are not one in raising their kids. Trust me, you would not want to confuse your children so I am sure you can agree on something!

THIS MOTHER'S DAY, I WANT TO THANK BRYAN

I don't think I will be a happy, thankful and productive mom without my husband.  He makes mothering easier not only because he helps me with Risen but because he knows how to love me.  He has been very supportive since I carried Risen in my tummy.  Each and every day, up until now he never failed to amaze me with the little and big things that he does for our little family.  So, to my husband and the father of Risen,  this mother's day, I want to thank you...




Thank you for providing for our needs, 
with this I enjoy going to the grocery
Thank you for making me coffee in the morning, 
this makes my day already right
Thank you for not being shy to buy boxes of milk and diapers 
even when you have to take the jeepney

Thank you for putting Risen to sleep
with this I do not have to think of this when I teach at night
Thank you for always choosing to always go home right away
Thank you for allowing me to still spend time alone, 
with my friends and just with you
Thank you for saying "yes" to my long afternoon naps 
Thank you for the dates, long talks and hugs
Thank you for loving Risen will all your heart

Thank you, thank you love for making me a "good" mother!



PS.  And as if it still do not show in this blog, let me say it,
I love you!!




Tough Love On Risen: Part 2

Here, I ranted on how we needed to break Risen's habit of wanting to sleep in our bed all the time. As promised, now, I will let you know how he responded.

Ate Dot, one of the seasoned moms I know told us to simply talk to Risen.  She also suggested to place a pillow or a blanket in his crib so Risen can associate this to his sleeping place.

So, on a Friday night, I said this (I also did a lot of hand gestures) to Risen before putting him to sleep. Just pardon the choppy English.  I just use the essential or content words so my toddler would understand.

"Risen, mommy and daddy bed.  
Risen crib. Risen, embrace Mickey Mouse.  
Risen, crib.  Risen sleep Mickey Mouse.  
Risen sleep crib. 
 Risen embrace Mickey Mouse."

I remember doing this for 3 minutes.  I did this while he was on my lap so my eyes could meet his.

After this, we prayed and hugged then I placed him in his crib.

And you know what happened? No fuss, no crying!  He stayed in his sleeping place. He slept on his own and did not wake up in the middle of the night!  I know, amazing, right?!



So, ladies and gentlemen, do not underestimate a 15 month old toddler!! They can already understand! :)

Tough Love on Risen: Part 1

**Originally written January 2015

For the past two weeks, Risen has been waking up in the middle of the night crying.  He would point at our bed and plead to be transferred.  In the beginning, we thought it was “sweet” for him to miss us during his sleep (he has been sleeping in his crib since day 1).  Little did we know, it would be a start of a not so good habit.

Today, he did not want to stay in his crib at all.  He wanted his morning and afternoon naps in our bed.  This means I had to watch and guard him the whole time.  This means that I won’t be able to do my morning tasks which include online work, a few errands, working out and some house chores.  He naps from 8:00 to 9:15 and  12:30 - 2pm.   These two naps are so precious that I can’t just give it up.  Yes, call me selfish, but still, I need this time of my day.

Bryan and I realized that his wanting to be in our bed in the middle on night gave him an idea that he can sleep in our bed always (yes, we are also one of the couples who think that it is not (always) okay to share beds with kids).  We hope to break this habit soon.  This would include crying every time we put him to sleep, tears in the middle of the night, sleepless nights in the coming days and maybe even frustration.  However, as young as 16 months, we have to teach Risen.  It may not be conducive for him, but we have to.

Funny on how we did not see this coming.  We thought he just wanted to cuddle in the middle on the night. Now, it is a habit we need to break.  We are still new in our parenting journey and we know that Risen will have a lot of habits that we would need to break in the future. For now, Risen has to be reminded that he can’t sleep in our bed just because he wanted to.

Painful but needed.  Masakit sya sa heart.  Pero sige lang, kailangan.

On my next blog, I will tell you how Risen responded to our "tough love".


Motherhood: On Being Pregnant with Risen

Risen was a honeymoon baby.  I can still vividly remember our conversation with our OB.

OB:  Congratulations! You are 6 weeks pregnant.
Mico and Bryan:  **Gives a very meaningful stare to each other**
Mico to OB: MMMMmmmmmm....Doc... pano po mangyayari yun? 4 weeks pa lang po kaming kasal.
OB:  Haha ganun talaga counting nun.  The count is from the last day of your last menstruation.  O, wag kayong mag-away ah...The count does not begin on your contact but on your menstrual cycle...
Mico and Bryan:  aaahhhh....ganun pala yun..

That talk was really awkward yet very informative.

Actually, even before we had a pregnancy test, Bryan was already convinced I was pregnant.  I, on the other side, was not.  This was because an OB in the past told me that the different position of my uterus will make it very hard for me to be pregnant.  With this, I leaned on the idea of having a childless marriage.

The famous "What if we do not get pregant?"  was one of the questions we sincerely
 talked about during our engagement.  However, obviously, God has a better plan.


During the very moment that we were waiting for a line or lines to appear in a USB liked shaped pregnancy test kit, I busily threw away the packaging and cleaned up the little mess I made in the restroom.  I was not really interested because I was positive that it would be negative.  On the other hand, Bryan, stared at the kit without blinking.  When the two lines appeared, my first reaction was "Hala, bakit dalawa?"  Bryan was like "Oo nga, dalawa"...Then the lines "Buntis ako, just came out of my mouth as I also teared-up".  Bryan just hugged me while my two hands remained stiffly on my side.  I was in complete disbelief.  I was not sad, nor happy, nor excited nor surprised.  I was just like..."what did just happen?  There is a baby inside me...."

I remember spending the rest of the day in bed.  I was still in awe and I did not know how to react.  I also remember demanding from Bryan that we see an OB asap to confirm my pregnancy.  I told him I would only be convinced with this, but after the check-up, I told him I still I need to have an ultra sound because, again, I need another "yes".  After three the yes-es (kit, OB, ultrasound), finally, I gave in.  We started telling our parents and announcing to closest friends.  That was the only time it sunk to my heart and head.  May reaction na ko!! hahaha

Then during our celebration, the Lord reminded me of His sovereignty.  



Truly, doctors are knowledgeable but God is the creator of them all, therefore,
 He has still the last say.  










Motherhood: On Being a Stay-At-Home-Mom

I have been fantasizing of being a stay-at-home-mom long before I met Bryan.  I was convinced that this would be my way of raising my children.  However, when I was already in the reality of saying goodbye to my so called career, it dawned on me that it was a difficult choice. Hindi pala madali to let go of a life that you have been into for the longest time.  I had my own set of doubts.   And we, as a couple, had questions, issues and concerns to face.  But since we were both certain that this is what God wants for our little family (we respect those moms who chooses/needs to work), we pushed through with it.

Our first “worry” was money.  Being a full time mom would make us rely on Bryan’s paycheck (who is on study leave now).  With a growing baby to provide for, a house and car to maintain and tummies to feed, this was a big dilemma. We had to compute, re-compute, add, deduct, etc and figure out how we will “live”.  This was very humbling because we were both financially very capable before we got married, and now, we have to suddenly cut on our spending.  Amidst of all the questions on how we will survive, we are comforted that where God leads, He provides.  We never ran out of bills to pay and needs to buy, but up until now, I do not know how God makes it work for us.  He is really our Jehovah Jireh.  He provides!

https://images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F-BRFjuO8Fesw%2FU8-aLhSF0zI%2FAAAAAAAAA0Q%2FNvuWk5CD5Vg%2Fs1600%2Fdownload.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*

To add, being a stay-at-home-mom equals to house-arrest.  Did I tell you I cannot literally stay at home? I have to leave the house every single day.  I am allergic to staying at home 24hours.  This will make me insane!  However, Risen came and he taught me I can.  Kaya naman pala.  Although I must admit that the first two months was the hardest.  I would often secretly cry and ask myself “ito na lang ba talaga buhay ko ngayon? Breastfeed, burp, play with baby, put him to sleep?”  But, it got easier!  On Risen’s third month, chores became manageable, I was able to go out again, meet friends, fix myself and spend time with Bryan.  My life became active and I felt normal again.  Today, I just need to go out at least once a week (church not counted).  Ok na ko with this. hihihi

Third, when we decided that I would be staying at home, I had to force myself to be productive.  We both knew it cannot be always about Risen.  For sanity purposes, I had to do something on the side. And once again, God surprised us with a few writing and online teaching rakets I was able to get.  This did not only add  a few cash on our savings but also gave me contentment. The joy of being able to work and see Risen across the table is something I would not trade for anything.   I am getting paid to watch Risen grow. Ang galing!


Amazing, amazing God!  He truly gives our heart’s desire if we rely on his will and put our faith and trust in Him.   Each day is still a learning process for me (and Bryan) but I am grateful for the chance to raise a boy.  Being a stay-at-home-mom is never easy, but with God’s grace, I count it all joy. 


MOTHERHOOD: On What Changed In Me

Mama has been a stay-at-home mother for me and Kai.  She never worked nor did business.  Me and Kai were her daily tasks.  With this upbringing, at an early age, I was convinced that one day I would like to be one too.

Now that I am living the life of Mom who is always at home, I witnessed how my life drastically and beautifully change.  Yes, my status, routine, schedule, priorities were all altered but aside from all of these, there is something inside me that was transformed.  I thought I was already the person I want to be when I got to my late twenties, obviously, I was incorrect. Motherhood (even without my "permission") impacted my life so much that I felt I became a new person.

I did not realize what responsibility meant up until a life was given to me (us). Holding Risen for the first time, and seeing how tiny, soft, and vulnerable he was, was insanely unimaginable.  He has life and his breathing, eating, comfort, and happiness  purely depends on me (us).  I (we) am literally his life.  If I do anything stupid or clumsy, I may lose him.  The moment I became pregnant, a life depends on me.  A life purely depends on me.

I also thought that all the short term missions and community immersions I did made me experience sacrifice.  However, as you have guessed, I was wrong again.  Those things were only 10 percent of what sacrifice  really is. This page will not be enough of the things I had to painfully let go to make sure Risen has a sane Mom at home. I do not regret this (and a lot of Moms told me I never will) but I have to be honest that sometimes, I miss a lot of things.  I miss being spontaneous, teaching inside the classroom, not thinking of anything, sleeping the whole day, working and leaving work to meet up with friends, and a whole lot more.  One may think these are just little circumstances, but when you are tied up with responsibilities you plainly cannot leave at all cost, these little cups of happiness become a humongous platter.

Lastly, I did not realize how self-centered and selfish I was when I was still single. I only thought of myself, my joys, and what I want.  This character made me hurt my parents because I only see myself in every situation.  What I need, What I want, What I am suppose to have. Risen taught me to slowly let go of this.  The unconditional love of my parents and the stubborn grace of God make me tear up and sorry how selfish I was in the past. Ang sama sama ko palang bata noon :(.... Although this attitude still surfaces at times, I am humbled on how my situation brings me back to where I should be.

I am only on my first year of being a stay-at-home mom, a God's work in progress and I know bigger things are ahead of me. However, it is nice to reflect on what August 13, 2013 did to me.  Risen was born on that day and little did I know that a new Mico will be born as well.


God,
Thank you for the wonderful gift of motherhood.  I felt your love and discipline through it.  You really know what to do with life!  Maraming Salamat.

and to Bryan and Risen,

Thank you for making me a mother.  You two changed me for the better.  I love you both.  


Mommy Mico 





WHAT ONE YEAR AND A FEW MONTHS OF BEING MARRIED TAUGHT ME



Being married for one year and a few months taught me that...



1.  Sense of humor can save couples from numerous and unwanted fights.



2. Cheesy date nights (or breakfasts) are happiness. We do our best to make time for it.



3.  Kissing when saying "goodbye" and "welcome home" must not be automatic. It should be done with intent. Make sure eyes meet ;) 


4.  Children should not be the center of the home/world. I think marriage and each other should still be the priority. Happy parents make happy children.





5. Cribs are helpful. At the end of the day, it is still nice to cuddle (since day 1, Risen sleeps in his crib) 













6.  Cooked food is a MUST. I make sure a meal is ready when Bryan comes home (kahit pa sabihin nya na he is busog and won't eat when he arrives home)


 
7.  Praying and having devotions together helps a lot.















8.  A kasambahay could be a blessing. If you have a "good" one, it can save you from stress, problems and quarrels

PS. We are very happy with our ate Marjorie









9.  Knowing Bryan's love language makes me know how to love him (Of course he knows mine too). 





10.  Texts, surprise love notes and pasalubongs are kilig. 

11.  A husband (or a wife) could make or break a marriage.  Do not hurry love, do not settle for good.  Seek for the "best" that God has prepared for you!