SINGLE LADIES, THESE PHRASES ARE TRUE



 Below is a list of one-liners married women usually say when asked about their love stories.  These “phrases” mean nothing before, but now, I can so relate!!

  • “Wag mong hanapin, dadating din yun “ (do not look for love, it will come) – Bryan came into my life when I was fixing papers for Canada.   It was also the time when I told myself this -  “I am okay with the idea of being single forever.  Mag ta-travel na lang ako!”  Then, with a snap of a finger, I fell in love!

  • “Kabaligtaran ng gusto mo yung makakatuluyan mo” (you will not marry your type) – My boyfriend is gwapo (naman!).   He is gwapo but not my type.  Bryan is the “boy next door, goody-good” type of handsome,however, I am more attracted to “ruggedly/parang mambubugbog” type of a man.  At the end of the day, who cares? Basta gwapo, tapos ang kwento! :p

  • “May mas okay pa sa ex mo!!” (I was in love with another man) Hay, good thing I did not marry my first love!  Buti, the ex is married! (I discovered his real status after 2 years of being together -- BLOG to follow).  When I was still moving on, my thoughts were “why is my ex married? if he was not, we would have been married”.  Now, I am just sooooo thankful he has a wife. Buti na lang talaga.  Bryan is just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy better!  GOOD THING, HE IS MARRIED AND I WAITED!

  • “Alam mo pag yun na” (You will know if he is the one) – With my present relationship, there is no “I hope we really end up together”, it is more of “With God, I know.  I just know.”   

  • “bata ka pa, wag magmadali” (You are still young, do not hurry love) – I started wedding planning at 30.  Need I say more?

  • “I-enjoy mo ang pagiging single, dahil iba na pag may asawa” (Enjoy single life, because once you are married, things turn upside down)Among the list, this is what I fully lived up to (buti na lang).  When I was still not committed, I grabbed all the chances of thinking for one, traveling whenever and wherever, meeting people, enjoying my hard earned (ehem) money, exploring new things, and being very spontaneous.  Looking back, no regrets. I have enjoyed my single life and though thinking for two is challenging, I know I am "ready" for this.

  • “Iba pa rin pag Christian”  (It is different when the person you are with is a “Christian”) – Oh yes! One hundred percent true.  I can probably come up with a hundred of reasons why every single person should consider this.  You may read my blog, WHY NOT, NON-C for further discussions on this. 

So, have you heard these one-liners too?  What do you have to say?

BELOW ARE SOME OF THE WOMEN I TALK MARRIAGE AND WEDDINGS WITH:

Tita Gerlyn and Pastor Vernon is one of the couples I look up to.
Tita Gerlyn is my spiritual mentor who has watched me grow (in all aspects!).
Ate Faye (far right),  is an epitome of "it is okay to be single"
Ate angel (middle) told me that "it is ok to be single than marry the wrong person".
Ate Dot naman, was the first woman who inspired me to pray weddings and marriage.
When I first walked into her home in Baguio (2003), I was like, gusto kong ikasal! :)
My tita (s) who all told me that I should find a man stronger than me.
They all proved that Dimanligs can me submissive! I miss them all!
My College Professor/mentor, Mam Cerbo (middle).  She affirmed our love story.
 She always knows what to say. :) 
The mom who made me witness that one can be friends with her kids.
I miss our morning talks Mam Tetel!  Thanks for being our cheerleader!

WHY NOT, NON-C?

The write up below are my thoughts on the issue of “being in a relationship with a non-Born Again Christian”.  Please note that I am not against people in different faith.  This is just me verbalizing the possible difficulties of the choice of inter-faith relationship..

It is difficult to see God’s perfect will when you are in love.  I HAVE BEEN THERE.  In general, feelings can make people blind.  Our hearts can destroy us. With this, the Christian church supports different ways on how to make relationships work but is final on one thing.  All churches, strongly pushes that a Christian should only be with a Christian. Apparently, with this mandate, the Christian church only tells us one thing on why Christians should not marry a Non-C.  You have probably heard it a million times from your Pastor’s teaching – yes you are right, it is the verse Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15What harmony can there be between Christ and the devild? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14-15

I am for this verse, of course.  God’s word is powerful.  It can convict and change people.  However, just like any verses, it needs illustrations and examples for the minds and hearts of the young and the old.  Reality check - people in love will find no reason to break up with their Non-C boyfriend and girlfriend. 

So, instead of giving you the big chunk of 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, let me cut it into smaller pieces.  I hope that these practical reasons will enlighten you as how it enlightened me.   Below is a list of my random thoughts when it comes to a “C – Non-C relationship”

1.     BENG IN A RELATIONSHIP LEADS TO MARRIAGE - Would you want to marry the same, exact person he or she is now?  Not thinking that he would change faith or attitude or persona.    My tita Boots always tell me, decide on what is happening now, not on what you think (or pray) will happen in the future.  If he would remain or go back to his faith once you are married, is that okay with you?

2.      LESS ISSUES ON WEDDING PLANNING -   One of the questions engaged couples have to answer is, “Where will we get married?”.  If you have the same faith, you may easily point out a church or a garden.  No need for two ceremonies or one ceremony that only favors one. Less gastos.  Plus no remarks like “Born Again kasi napangasawa, kaya dito yung kasalan” or vice versa.

3.       CHRISTIAN BA? SAN SYA NAG CHU-CHURCH? (and the other embarrassing questions to answer)- Oh my.  This is awkward.  Imagine introducing him or her to your church family, then one tita would ask:

Tita:  “Christian ba?”. 
You:  “Hindi po…”           or  “Hindi pa po..” or      “po?...”

Or

Tita:  Hello.  San ka nag chu-church? 
         Your bf or gf:  Hindi po ako nag chu-church”             
                                    or…..”Dyan po sa iba…” 
                                    or      “Hindi ko po kayo kapareho …”

This is one difficult question to face that might even cause a discussion between you and your boyfriend or girlfriend after.  Are you ready for a lot of like these?

      4.      NEXT TO GOD, IT WOULD BE YOUR WIFE/HUSBAND– My first Christmas gift to Bryan was a watch.   On the gift tag, I wrote “God’s time table never failed me.  It may have alarmed me, but it never dissatisfied me. Next to God, I trust you with my lifetime.’  In one of my quiet moments, I have realized that, I am accountable to my husband.  After God, it is my husband who I should follow and or submit to.  He is my authority on earth.  IF your bf has a different view of who God is in his life, paano na yun?

        5.       IT IS FUN TO BE IN CHURCH WITHOUT HAVING TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING – Have you ever attended a service where it turned to be a class because you need to explain what is happening? Then the feeling of nervousness comes because you fear that the sermon would “hurt” you or the person you are with.    Or if your church has praise and worship and it makes you distracted because your bf/gf is just staring blankly while everyone sings, claps and raises their hands.  These were difficult for me.  How about for you?

       6.      LESS DISCUSSION ON INTIMACY – Physically intimacy is real.  It is true to people who love and do not love each other.  Both to Christians and non-Christians.  If you are in a relationship with a Christian, I believe it is easier to say “no”.  You can just say, physical intimacy is a sin.  End of discussion.

         7.       FAMILY RELIGIOUS EVENTS – Okay. Let me take you to a bigger picture.  When you get married, it would also feel great to have a good relationship with your husband’s of wife’s family members.  To ensure quality relationship, you have to sometimes practice their traditions and practices.  Now, these habits could be faith or religion based.  IF your gf or bf agrees with his or her family traditions, you are alone in this battle.  Whether you like it or not, you have to do these practices.  Would you want that?  It does not stop here.  Think 10 years after.   Would you want your children to do these traditions as well?

        8.      RAISING KIDS – I am not yet a mother, but I am teacher so I am familiar on the issue of “Raising Kids”.  Based on my observation and studies, both the mother and father need to have an equal share and participation when it comes to guiding their kids.  However, it is real that parents would have different ways on how they were raised.  This is already complicated.  Imagine, having different perspective on doing this?  IF you are on the same faith, you can go back to the basic.  For Christians, we can go back to the Bible.  If you are marrying a Non-C, then, what would be your standard?

        9.      FEW TALKS ON TITHING, MINISTRIES, ET AL. – I am excited to do church work with Bry.  I am looking forward to sharing my burdens for the youth and Christian education.  I am thrilled to share our love stories in Youth Services.  I want to travel with him and meet up with missionaries.  I am eager to bless the church and church workers financially.    Imagine you and your husband or wife with one heart for the soul and same passion for God’s kingdom What could be more wonderful?

        10.   PRAYER TIME TOGETHER  – I love doing this with my boyfriend.  I look forward to our dates because at the end of the day, we would hold hands and thank God for our togetherness.  We would also lift up our concerns and decisions to God.  I feel blessed to pray with my bf because it is the perfect time to be vulnerable and honest to our Maker.  This appointed prayer time makes me kilig, overjoyed and blessed.  This is even more true every time he tells God how happy and in love he is with me.  It is like being proposed to over and over again!!.  Have you ever prayed aloud with your bf and gf?  If not, you are missing half of your life.

11.   GOD’S BEST – Are you sure your God’s best is the one who is not of the same faith with you?



Prayer time view at Intramuros, Manila

Meet and greet. Bryan's friends from Bohol:  Pastor Julius and family.
 (I fell in love with them after out meet up:) )

Visit at Buyagan Baptist Church.  With Pastor Juluis (Bryan's mentor) and wife.

Proposal pic after prayer time.  Camp John Hay, Baguio City.
After a play at my home church.  The same day I said, I love you too.
  


NOT AND NEVER WILL BE


All this time, I thought I was ready to get married.  Never did I know I was not and never will be. This helpful truth humbled me as a person, a teacher, a woman and a future wife.  Pastor Gerson (Bryan’s mentor) is right, we just have to do it

With this realization, I have an estimate where my wobbly and giddy feet are.  I (we) have also now accepted that I (we) can only prepare much but being ready in its truest essence is impossible. I just have to trust God, myself and Bryan with this.   Ganun pala yun.  Good thing my parents, in a way, helped me “prepare” for marriage.  When I moved out from my parents place, I became domesticated.  I managed a little home, paid bills, and turned out to be more responsible.  But then again, this is just a small piece of what marriage is.  Gotta’ learn more.  Sorry naman, first time eh!

Sooooo, after all these insights, when is one ready to get married?  I do not exactly know.  Maybe, for me (us), the following considerations made me (us) see I (we) me ready to take the plunge:  1.  God’s time table  2.  stability  3.  age  4.  parents go signal  5. lastly, degree of commitment -- and for now, these are enough.  Anyway, we have decided (with God’s help) that we will pray, love, support, adjust and practice togetherness no matter what happens.  So go, go, sago! Kasalan na ‘to!


with Pastor Gerson and wife at Inglay Retaurant, Benguet
our wobbly and giddy feet 

ON BEING SINGLE

I have been single up until I was 25 years old.  I was one of the girls who decided to only enter relationships when I know I am ready to get married.  With this idea stuck in my head, I had a chance to fully enjoy my single life.  Wait, fun for me did not mean playing around. It was more of culture immersions, meeting people, trying different and wholesome activities, volunteering to community work, traveling, studying, and basically, thinking for myself.  Sounds egoistic? Maybe.  It was fun though :P.  I got to do what I want, anytime with anyone.  Spell FREEDOM.

biking at Boracay - 2005
Puerto Galera
Now that I said yes to marriage, spell ADJUSTMENT.  I can now distinguish the difference between the worlds of being unattached to the world of being committed (in its truest essence).  Worlds that are diverse yet intertwined.  In the beginning of our relationship, I thought I could pull this off easily, but oh man, I was so wrong!


One of the adjustments I have to exert effort to is, thinking for two.  This is from scheduling, to budgeting, to going out (with him or without him), to dressing up, to almost everything.  I am not complaining, it is just that, all my life, I have only considered myself.  I do not ask for anyone’s opinion.  Alone or with someone, I move on with my plans.  This is me!   Now, it is different.   I have to regard what he suggests and thinks (which is just right, db?).
 
Another tuning I had to do is, trying things for him (which I enjoy).  I now cook.   I have been cooking but I only prepare what I eat. Now, I look into the cuisines that he loves.  The cooler part is when he tastes it.  Sometimes, I get it perfect, but minsan singko (according to Bry, the effort is always uno, naks).  Good thing, I am marrying an Ilokano, thus boiled veggies will complete his meal - jackpot! What worries me though is when I start to think that this is would be a routine.  When I have to wake up early and prepare food on the table -- inspired or not.  Hay, I wish I would have Mama’s energy and passion for this. 

Aside from cooking, I am also starting to be extra responsible at chores and home care.  My parents’ decision on allowing me to live on my own has been so helpful. When I moved out, I told myself, party –party na to!  I was wrong though.  Being alone made me go home early because I had dishes to keep, restroom to clean, clothes to fold and a little home to sanitize.  Plus the unending question of, “Ano kaya lulutuin ko mamaya?”  Not to mention the budgeting I had to do.  Haaaay, the joys and pains of living alone.  What a life learning experience!

Sounds fun? I am sure it is, and it looks like a big change too.  Thinking for two and taking good care of a home and another person (plus other undiscovered paths) seems overwhelming but wonderful.   Am I just magnifying things? Maybe.  Knowing myself, I would rather prepare than be caught off guard.  Nevertheless, I am still single, so spell PRACTICE.


Below are a few of my single-spontaneous-get-aways:


about to leave Bohol.  Cebu, next

River wading at Bohol

Boracay

  

CHICKEN SKIN


I looooove Chicken skin.  I even deep fry chicken necks and eat it like popcorn.  YUM.  Every time I do this, Mama looks at me with doubtful eyes, with the words “Hay, naku, taba.  Not good".  Apparently,  I do not get fat (thanks to my genes), so I do not feel guilty when I eat oily food.  If I do not do the cooking, I would ask Mama not to remove the skin,  but she would give a very strong “No” then put the fat straight to the garbage bin.  When she does this, I would teasingly walk out on her and say that her cooking would not be that tasteful anymore.  I never understood why Mama removes the chicken skin, up until Bryan’s blood pressure went up.  

One Saturday, a friend from Adamson invited us for a birthday dinner.  Sisig and Fried garlic chicken were the main course – sarap! We ate all we can. And since it was a pretty long celebration on a round table, we did not really notice how much we have been eating.    The feasting did not stop there because the next day, we met up with my Balikbayan friends for lunch and dinner.  We had lechon, Sisig, Crispy Pata and Kare Kare - the yummiest and oiliest Pinoy dishes.  And yes, you would have guessed what happened.  The next day, on a Monday, at Adamson, Bry had to go to the clinic and take medication. 

I felt responsible for what had happened to him.  I should have monitored our food intake.  Ganun pala yun.  That is why wives and mothers are careful on what they place on the table because they are “accountable” if anything happens to their husbands and kiddos.  I was so guilty that time.  Sabi ko nga, if the reason for my extra days at Adamson (I resigned that week) was for me to realize and feel  the weight of this responsibility, the wait was so worth it.  Lesson learned.  I will now prepare healthy dishes because there was that twitch in my heart when Bryan got ill.  Worse, I knew I could have prevented it.

So yes.  Just like Mama,  I would do the same.  The chicken skin would go directly to the garbage bin.  

Anyway, here is a peek of what we ate that day.  Dishes are all from Little Quiapo which were all sumptuous by the way!  ...kaya nga napadami eh! :D









THE WHOLE GANG!  AND LOOK WHO CAN'T SMILE NA? :p

FINALLY!!!

This blog took a lot of thinking, prayers and guts.  I have been writing and sharing my thoughts to my closests for quite some time now, but, I have been fidgety on the idea of blurting my feelings and views to the public through writing. I am just a bit anxious that I will be judged first as an English teacher than as a woman pouring her heart out. 

However, this whole wedding-marriage planning made me see, feel and do cartwheels so I can’t help but share! I need to spread it around, or else, sasabog ako :p…  So, just like our approaching wedding, I am taking a leap of faith -- I will blog! :) 


I really and uberly  hope that my insights, questions and experiences on relationships et al will stimulate your mind and heart. Just like to me, may my journey inspire and bless you.  

I can’t believe I am finally (and happily) doing this. 

WELCOME, READERS.  PONDER WITH ME.