REST

One of the reasons we are in  Paoay  is because I have been complaining to Bryan how tired and drained I have been lately.  I have been noticing how I easily get impatient, sad, and irritated with the simplest and littlest things.  This "attitude" has been slowly affecting my relationship with Bryan and Risen, my work and even in my personal life.  Thankfully, while randomly checking out Cebu Pacific rates, I saw a promo fare that is perfect for Bry's semestral break.

I knew in my heart what I needed is a long, real and quality vacation.  I was fully aware my body, spirit and soul  are longing for rest.  And when I say rest it means to...

Replenish 
When I was a teacher, I looked forward the 3 month summer vacation where I can spend my free time outside Luzon.  The Visayas (Iloilo, Roxas, Bacolod) became a favorite destination where I I always looked forward to devouring native food, listening to foreign language, being with random groups of people, staying under the sun and immersing in a diverse and different culture.  This kind of rest made me ready to face another school year.  I remember going back to school with the darkest tan and a full heart ready to work again . 

This is also what I hope to do in Ilocos.  I look forward to people watching, catching up with my Ilokano, being with different people and filling myself up with Daddy's cooking.  I also hope to stare at the stars (the sky in Paoay seems to be really high and there are lots of stars here!!!), run in the park, stay longer in bed, and just really do things without thinking much.

Eat and Enjoy
Vacation means eating and enjoying what the day brings.  Though I still teach online (2-3 hours per day), I  do a lot of rest, family time and me time on the side.  Aside from this, I also take this chance to catch up on my reading, eat, visit Bry's childhood friends (who are really close to me now as well), eat, visit  places nearby Paoay, eat, have long talks with my husband and his folks, eat, have longer devotions and prayer time, eat, sleep, eat.  To sum it up, I am excited to my version of Eat, Pray, Love life in this quiet neighborhood.

Stop 
I need to stop my routines.  I need to stop thinking of what to do, cook, clean, budget, or make next.  I need to stop being at home most of the time.  I need to stop being in the same neighborhood.  I need to stop.  I just really need to stop.  And here in Paoay, I can gladly stop.  Praise God!

have Time
I just want to have time without thinking about time with Bryan, Risen and myself.  Recently we have been living in a house with an alram clock.  We have  been buzzerbeaters.  We are constantly hurrying.  Here in Paoay, I am thrilled to just let time pass.  To be lazy.  To lounge around.  To stare blankly.

I also want to have longer talks with God.  Hear from Him and rest in Him.  All in all, as many of you knows, He alone can give us rest.



Psalm 73:26 
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Psalm 62:1-2 
“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”

                                                                  1 Peter 5:7                                                                   “Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”
                                                                   Psalm 62:5                                                                       “Yes, my soul, find rest in God: my hope comes from him.”




THE OTHER BEST

I believe there are two kinds of best in the world - 
the best on our perspective
 and the best according to God's eyes plan  

I can still painfully remember (yes, may kurot pa din) the moment when we were scrolling down to check Bryan's name in the list of Bar passers - he was seated on his chair while I was on his back, my two hands on his shoulders.  Both our eyes did not blink when we were reading the surnames of the succesful bar examinees.  It just remained closed for a long time when I started to crying as I hugged Bryan from the back.  

I can say it was the most painful stage we have gone through as a married couple so far.  Since I knew Bryan's childhood dream is to be called an attorney, I too fell in love with this profession.  I imagined myself being a wife of a lawyer.  However, many of you know, this dream did not happen (he failed by 0.45), and as of the moment, my husband remains to be a professor in the College of Liberal Arts in Adamson University.

As we were moving on from this sad news, we thought hard on why he was not allowed to pass.  On why God said "no".  Everyone believed in him.  We were certain that this will be the best for our little family.  We claimed it was also a part of God's agenda.  We were convinced that since we offered everything in prayer, and because Bryan did his part, God willl give us the best.  And this best is the title Attorney to the name Bryan Eli Bagasin Sadorra.  

People comforted us by telling that God has other better plans.  We know and believe this, but we have to be honest that there were times this was difficult to see.  I saw myself asking "God, bakit hindi pwedeng maging lawyer si Bryan?  What can be better than this?"  Now that it has been almost a year that my husband took the bar exams, I may not still see God's bigger agenda, however, in my heart I am thankful he is still a teacher.

I am thankful for the short working days, long and paid holidays (summer, semestral break, Christmas vacation),  cancellation of classes (due to programmes) and weekends that Bryan has.  His schedule is not hectic.  He is an available husband, hands-on dad, and a relaxed member of our house.  No stress at work. No overtime.  No competition with his schedule. He does not give us what is left of him because when he comes home (the sun is still up) he is still a ball of energy.

Another thing I am happy about is the friendly, no compromise and healthy working environment.  I worked once in Adamson so I know that one way or another, Bryan is in "good hands".  His friends all go home after work (Bakit nga ba kayo ganyan? Mag kape naman kayo minsan after class!!), they are all family oriented, they have good laughs in between classes, and they treat us as family.  Nothing more I could ask for.

Lastly, we have time for God and his ministry.  To be honest, I am not sure if we can be this active in church (which we are super duper so happy about) if Bryan has another line of work. But as of the moment, we are really grateful for the chance to journey with people.  To serve God and be a witness on how He moves to the lives of the people we are with.

As I type this, I am asking myself if  "I am just bitter".  Well, maybe, sometimes.  However, I am more focused on the idea that this is what is best from God's perspective.  And since we love and trust Him, we should see the beauty of His plan. There is life after a failure.  There is beauty when we align our perspective to His.  Yes, I still want my husband to take the bar exams, but as of the moment, I will enjoy what we have.  

This is from God. This is the other best. This is what is truly the best.


DELAYS

Delayed flights.  Delayed appointment.  Delayed hotel check-in.  Delayed food service. Delayed salary.  Delayed start of the program. Delayed traffic flow. Don't we just all hate delays? I mean, who likes waiting (especially when you have cranky toddler in tow)? No one, I suppose.

image not mine

Recently, God has been teaching me to submit to delays. He has been reminding me to fully trust Him because it will be accomplished in God's time. However, I have to admit that it is difficult because a piece of me wants it now.  In my devotions, in my prayers, I have been asking God why is He allowing us to wait longer .  Why when he can give it to us now.  Why prolong the waiting?

In return, God tells me to still "wait".  

As I begin to write this entry, I am reminded how Sarah, Abraham's wife, chose to have Hagar as a surrogate mother because she believes that God will never accomplish the promise of giving her a son.  She did it her way instead of trusting God's timing.  

Genesis 16:1
1Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. 
But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; 
2so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. 
Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.”

Genesis 18:13-14
13Then the Lord said to Abraham,
 “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ 
14Is anything too hard for the Lord?
 I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”

My prayer is that I would be able to wait without sinning, without doing it on my won terms.  I hope that the fruit of the Holy Spirit will blossom instead. That I will choose to be kind, understand and see the big hand of God.