1.  Evaluate yourself - No blaming, no judging, just see on how you are as a wife/husband.   I suggest you do this when you are not emotional.  Write down the things that you are good at and bad at.  It would help if you could also consider the things that your husband/wife complains about you.  You do not have to show the list to him/her.  Just take time to be honest and write down the attitude or character you have been displaying lately. Done?  Let us jump to number 2 because this is connected :)

2.  Continue or start being a good wife or a husband - I am sure you have "excuses" for the "negative things" you have been doing lately.  Maybe you thought of "sya din naman" (my spouse does the same), or you are tired, or you have been patient for the longest time...The thing is you can't control your partner but you have power over yours.  My suggestion? since your marriage is falling apart, be the better person.  He/she does not kiss when he says "bye"?  Then do it.  He/she does has no time for you?  Then initiate time together.  Avoid minding his/her department.  Just mind yours - your being a wife or husband.  Now, go back to your list (number 1) and work on the things you are "bad at".  Do this without any expectations that your wife/husband will improve as well.  Just do your part.

3.  Talk to couples who mirror a lovely marriage - The good news is, we still have couples whose marriages are warm, inspiring and a joy to look at to.  You do not have to look far.  It could be your friend, cousin, or even the Ninong and Ninang you got when you married.  The thing is, surround yourself with couples who will encourage you to pursue your spouse and your marriage.  When  you have troubles, do not go to a group whose marriage is breaking apart as well.

4.  Go back to the basics of love, marriage and commitment  - Review the foundation of marriage:  leave and cleave, love and respect...These are vital in marriages that couples often forget.  Also, I would suggest that you list down your priorities and see if you are actually doing them.  Also, do not tag "family" as one priority, it should be 1. husband 2. child/children (in the order that you want).  They should be branded separately so we can really see where we are. 

5.  Realize that you need Jesus - You only do not need him on your wedding day.  You need Him daily on your marriage.  You only do not need the pre-marital counselling that was required by your church, parish, priest or pastor.  You need it (more) after you get married.  

If you have done number 5, and you are sure that you accepted Jesus in your life and in your marriage but your marriage is still sinking, let me add 5 more numbers :)

1. Join a discipleship group for couples
2. Check your priorities (again). Drop what has to be dropped.
3. Have devotions with your husband/wife at least once a week
4. Evaluate your physical situation at home (do you have privacy for sex?, is your house a good sight to come home to?, do you have yummy food?, is your child ruling your house?, etc)
5. Treat once a week date nights like a trip to the Emergency room

This suggestions does not cover women/men who suffer physical, verbal or sexual abuse from their spouses.

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