Showing posts with label bar exams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bar exams. Show all posts


I believe there are two kinds of best in the world - 
the best on our perspective
 and the best according to God's eyes plan  

I can still painfully remember (yes, may kurot pa din) the moment when we were scrolling down to check Bryan's name in the list of Bar passers - he was seated on his chair while I was on his back, my two hands on his shoulders.  Both our eyes did not blink when we were reading the surnames of the succesful bar examinees.  It just remained closed for a long time when I started to crying as I hugged Bryan from the back.  

I can say it was the most painful stage we have gone through as a married couple so far.  Since I knew Bryan's childhood dream is to be called an attorney, I too fell in love with this profession.  I imagined myself being a wife of a lawyer.  However, many of you know, this dream did not happen (he failed by 0.45), and as of the moment, my husband remains to be a professor in the College of Liberal Arts in Adamson University.

As we were moving on from this sad news, we thought hard on why he was not allowed to pass.  On why God said "no".  Everyone believed in him.  We were certain that this will be the best for our little family.  We claimed it was also a part of God's agenda.  We were convinced that since we offered everything in prayer, and because Bryan did his part, God willl give us the best.  And this best is the title Attorney to the name Bryan Eli Bagasin Sadorra.  

People comforted us by telling that God has other better plans.  We know and believe this, but we have to be honest that there were times this was difficult to see.  I saw myself asking "God, bakit hindi pwedeng maging lawyer si Bryan?  What can be better than this?"  Now that it has been almost a year that my husband took the bar exams, I may not still see God's bigger agenda, however, in my heart I am thankful he is still a teacher.

I am thankful for the short working days, long and paid holidays (summer, semestral break, Christmas vacation),  cancellation of classes (due to programmes) and weekends that Bryan has.  His schedule is not hectic.  He is an available husband, hands-on dad, and a relaxed member of our house.  No stress at work. No overtime.  No competition with his schedule. He does not give us what is left of him because when he comes home (the sun is still up) he is still a ball of energy.

Another thing I am happy about is the friendly, no compromise and healthy working environment.  I worked once in Adamson so I know that one way or another, Bryan is in "good hands".  His friends all go home after work (Bakit nga ba kayo ganyan? Mag kape naman kayo minsan after class!!), they are all family oriented, they have good laughs in between classes, and they treat us as family.  Nothing more I could ask for.

Lastly, we have time for God and his ministry.  To be honest, I am not sure if we can be this active in church (which we are super duper so happy about) if Bryan has another line of work. But as of the moment, we are really grateful for the chance to journey with people.  To serve God and be a witness on how He moves to the lives of the people we are with.

As I type this, I am asking myself if  "I am just bitter".  Well, maybe, sometimes.  However, I am more focused on the idea that this is what is best from God's perspective.  And since we love and trust Him, we should see the beauty of His plan. There is life after a failure.  There is beauty when we align our perspective to His.  Yes, I still want my husband to take the bar exams, but as of the moment, I will enjoy what we have.  

This is from God. This is the other best. This is what is truly the best.

ROLLER COASTER APRIL: From Family Celebrations to Unending Buffet Meals to Receiving Bry's Bar Exam Grades!!

I have not had the time to write for the month of April.  I was so busy eating!!!

Tita Noemi, Mommy's sister from the US surprised the Bagasin clan as she crashed Tito Abe's retirement and birthday party.

 The feasting did not end here!  This was just the beginning of the endless meet-ups, dinner, lunch. brunch, etc with the Bagasin family members.  As I am homebased (meaning I can work while watching Risen enjoy Tito Sammy's pool) and Bryan had a pretty much flexi schedule, we were able to spend time not only with Tita Noemi but also with Mommy who filed for a two week leave.

We did not think twice of making the effort to drive,  bring Risen and stay for the night (or nightssss) to be with family.  I think, this is one of the wise decisions to always do - BE WITH FAMILY.  This is not only healthy for a restless feet like me but also for Risen.  I am glad he was able to play, run around and get to know his cousins.  Though he does not fully remember them by name, it is good to see that when Risen sees them, he recognizes them already! He instantly hugs and plays with them.

The Bagasins are not really from my side of family (Bryan's Mom is a Bagasin) so I basically have two choices, to treat them family or to let them be "Bry's family".  With these, I choose number 1 - I want make a conscious effort to see and love them as family.  I am grateful because this is not hard to do.  They have always been warm, friendly and really nice.  I may not know each one of them but I am more that glad because I am comfortable to be with them -- to call them family.  Such a wonderful feeling!

Oh yes, this month, Bryan also got his Bar Exam Grades.  His grade was 72.45.  The passing was 73. Soooo close!! haha So he is like my Atty. na kinulang ng 0.5! hahaha

BAR EXAMS 2014: 5 Things I Have Re-learned

1. I love Bryan - I felt his pain (actually parang mas affected ako).  A lot of married couples have been telling us that there will come a time that what your husband's passion will also become yours. That his pains and joys will be yours too. Ito na ata yun. It is really possible to feel your spouse in a very different level. I guess I have just experienced empathy.

2. Bitterness is a part of "moving-on" - As I continue to digest the result, let me come clean by saying that I have asked the question "Bakit sila pumasa? Bakit si Bryan, hindi?" in my mind for a hundred of times.  To think that Bryan has never failed a subject, He graduated top 3 of his class, he studied for over a year, he wanted to work as a lawyer for a low paying NGO, plussss we prayed really hard. So bakit nga ba hindi? (insert tears here).  However, just like a friend from church named Ate Lorena, let us not wallow on this but still focus on God's sovereignity.

3. I badly miss my childfood friends - When I got the news, all the landline numbers of my friends flashed back.  I wanted to call each one of them and say, "punta kayo dito sa bahay, bili kayo Coke at Pancit Canton, papa press-con ako". However, the fare from Canada, Australia and the US seem to be a bit expensive so I guess I have to settle with this person named Maan who will come home very soon. I guess that in bad times, you remember your true friends and the people who knows you the most, and since they are really your bestest of friends, you do not mind bugging or disturbing them - this has already been a part of the sacred deal.

4. I should not see people based on their title or profession.  Enough said.

5. Trials are really essential to strengthen relationships- To date, this is probably the "unang dagok" we have ever faced as a couple.  Facing problems as a couple is both difficult and easy.  Hard because, who wants issues to face? and "easy" because you have each other (and God of course). However, it was a good experience to encourage one another.  Ang weird that if I feel like crying, Bryan would try to uplift me by saying that "it's okay I failed.  I am okay with it", then pag sya naman yung down, I would hug and tell him that he could take the Bar exams again.  Haaay!

BAR 2014: Bryan Speaks Up - From Bitterness to Surrender


Yes. True. I did. It hurts. It’s heart breaking. Disappointing. Frustrating.

Waking up at 4 a.m. to read cases and books for several years? Memorizing laws and analysing cases of people I don’t know? All these are in vain. Staying and reading in the library for nearly 10 hours a day? Useless. Saving an amount to sustain law school needs? These are all scrap. Childhood dream of becoming a lawyer? Shattered. Sacrifices of my wife, parents, in-laws, schoolmates, bar ops, churches and friends? All wasted.  My son, Risen, having no father for the entire month of the bar exams? Worthless.

But this morning, I have this from the book of Psalms…

“Lord, You have been our dwelling place in all generations… Even from everlasting to everlasting, You are God.” (Psalms 90:1-2)

“It’s good to contemplate God’s eternity in the light of man’s frailty… God is eternal. He is our dwelling place from generation to generation. The eternity we face in His hands… From generation to generation, from everlasting to everlasting, He has been faithful, and He will continue to be faithful.” (Warren Wiersbe, Prayer, Praise and Promises: A Daily Walk Through the Psalms)

Yesterday morning, before knowing that I did not make it, the Lord gave me this…

“He (referring to the psalmist in Psalm 89:46-52) starts with burdens and ends with blessing. He starts with sighing and ends with singing, because he lifts his broken heart unto the Lord in prayer.” (Warren Wiersbe, Prayer, Praise and Promises: A Daily Walk Through the Psalms)

With these, I say…

No cross examination, Your Honor.
No further questions, Your Honor.
I rest my case… not in court… but to You, my Honorable Lord.


P.S. To you who were with us through all these, thank you very much. As He promised, “…your labor in the Lord is not in vain...” (I Corinthians 15:58)

Bryan Eli Bagasin Sadorra
March 27, 2015
(a day after the 2014 bar exam results were released)

BAR EXAMS: When You Wait Then God Says "No/Not Now"

There was a strange feeling of physical pain in my chest when I did not see Bryan's name on the list of bar 2014 passers.  There was like a hole in my heart.  Masakit.  After a second or two, I started weeping  and all I can do is cover my face and say "I am sorry" to Bryan.  All I could do was cry.

I cried because I could not give the title "Atty" to Bryan.  As a wife, I would give anything to my husband.  And it badly hurts me that at this time, what we can only do is be sorry and comfort each other.

We have been waiting and praying for this day since we became bf-gf.  Every night, this has been in our prayers.  We also rallied people to pray for us.  Aside from all of these, Bryan studied hard - really hard.  On our side, we knew we did our part while allowing God to do His. 

However, amidst of our long waiting and praying, God replied with a "No/Not Now" - which at the moment really sounds bad and difficult to deal with.

We still do not know the reason why God allowed this.  Naiiyak pa din ako.  Masakit pa din. But at the end of the day, He remains to be the God who knows what is best for us.  Today, this is what is perfect.  Today, this is what is needed.  Today, this is God's answer to our prayers, to our waiting. Today, the answer is "no". 

Amidst of all the tears, the hugs, and the comfort we try to give to each other, we will not be moved nor question God's faithfulness to us. We have Him, our marriage, each other, Risen, our families, friends, church and support group. We are in pain, but allow us to declare that God is still good and He will continue to be.  All praises to Him!!!